Who Should Have Kids?
I know this is a strongly debated issue - but from my limited time spent with some children, contact with some of their family members, I do strongly believe that, at least in Singapore, one should only have children IF and only IF they can afford to give them a comfortable life and a good family environment conducive for learning.
I am not demanding that ALL kids have maids to wait on them hand and foot, or that their parents must be freaking rich to buy them all their toys or have all sorts of tuition or extra lessons. But rather, the basic foundation blocks must be there. The ability to NOT worry about the next meal, the luxury of not having your younger brothers or sisters playing in the background with your mum yelling at them constantly. What kind of environment is that for a child who spends more than 12 hours there.
Children are unable to rationalise such things; they cannot tell themselves - this has got nothing to do with me - I can just concentrate on my own things. They are not able to relieve themselves of this huge burden and focus on what is important. They are also not able to express how they feel and tell you what they want. Ultimately, it just manifests itself as one of many symptoms - deterioration of grades, lack of concentration, etc. And by the time one realises it, it is often quite late and the damage (no matter how slight) is already done. It's is impossible to expect educators to be full-time teachers-cum-nanny-cum-counsellor,etc. This IS the full responsibility of parents - they were the ones who had the children in the first place.
So please, if any one of my friends or acquaintances dare tell me that I should do more for them - talk to them out of school, not about school work, but counsel them, etc - and even dare insinuate that I am not trying my best, i am not doing enough - sorry, our friendship is OVER. And I am serious. What this means is - I shall probably not be able to have fruitful friendships with people who are parents.
People who feel that I am unqualified to be educating their offspring - and tell me straight in the face. Why is it that people in this profession are EXPECTEd to be something, to be more than what they are. What about those parents in their jobs - clerks, managers, admin assts, etc - do people expect more of you just because of your job. If you think that it SHOULD be that way... Apologies - that is the education system here - people no longer come into here purely because they hope to inspire the young. Yes, you might get a few who are like that - with their heads in the clouds and filled with lofty ideals. Unfortunately, I somehow got the worse end of the deal and have been exposed to all the nasty reality behind the whole system. So what if I am jaded - at least I am not pathetically optimistic.
Somehow, parenthood just slides this huge piece of wool over one's eyes and their minds are filled with rose-tinted images of how innocent their child is. In my opinion, 95% of the kids in Singapore are SPOILT BRATS - its just a pity that their parents are blind to it.
Call me cynical, call me jaded - I'd gladly admit to that. But why so? And why the sudden ranting here and now? Today, I saw a parent slap and beat one of my students right in front of me - due to my feedback. And I was and am still feeling guilty. I am just hoping that he doesn't get beaten to death at home today by his father, or that he appears with numerous cane marks in school tmrw. And my intentions were pure/ good. I had thought talking to the parents - esp those whose children are not doing work, would be good. At least they have an idea of what those imps are up to, instead of wearing rose-coloured lenses all the time. Trust me, I still have 2 parents who think the world of their children and vehemently believe that it is my incompetence that their children are unable to respond to instructions.
It is ok if you don't know. What I cannot tolerate are people not even trying, not even doing their basic work. If weaker students can do it, I don't see why you can't - and that is where the family support comes in. I had talked to the mother in the hopes that she can monitor the boy and make sure he finishes his 6 pages of HW. Usually, the mother will just scold him and preach, make him apologise and bring him home - while I was waiting for this to happen today, it didn't. In fact, the shouting and screaming escalated so much that she was openly screaming at him in front of everyone. And I could do was just to stand there awkwardly. Then she slapped him - that was when I drew him back - I couldn't believe my eyes. She wanted to hit him again when my HOD of discipline came to the scene and encouraged her to come inside the school compound, rather than make a huge scene (which was what she had been doing for the past 15 minutes) outside the school gate.
I felt so guilty, and helpless and basically like the root of the whole thing. And the HOD spoke to me - give him less homework, let him do it during recess, fold his HW for him, don't complain to the mother, etc. And of course, it seems the easy way out, because it is. No one is gonna tell him " Ok, people do 3 questions for SA, you do 1 question and you will still pass" The school does not even have a system that allows that - how do you even justify this kind of allocation of homework. Society is cruel, it is even worse in Singapore - No one is gonna say " Oh dear, you poor thing - it's ok, I'll give you a chance or more lee way just because you are weak" - It's cruel but that's life in Singapore.
Face it - that is how it works. Welcome to nasty reality.
Breathe In (Life)
Was trying to think of a title for this blog entry; there are so many things I want to talk about, to get off my chest and basically bounce it up for those who read my blog to think about, and get back to me. (Since there is only a very small circle of friends who do that, it shouldn't be hard for them to respond despite the lack of a feedback/ comment feature). The title came about cos now I am so crazy about this new song that I heard on the radio a few times, but never managed to get the lyrics, title or singer. Finally searched the Power 98 website and realised who the singer was. And it sounds really good..and in fact, quite an an apt title for whatever stuff that's bouncing off all over my brain.
First - for those of you who have patiently and very nicely tolerated my whining about my previous job. Apologies and many thanks for your tolerance. And for those who accepted my decision and SUPPORTED me in moving into my current job - thanks, you are the BEST. Really!
What happened was that one of the vendors actually called my handphone one day and expressed her disbelief and shock that I had already left. Apparently, that had been like more than 4-5 months ago. So we exchanged some polite small-talk and she was commenting that it was not much of a big surprise, since I was brought in by my manager, (who, incidentally, also left), that myself and my colleague (who came in the same time as me) would not feel compelled to stay. I knew I wouldn't - the industry does not interest me, but I was shocked and surprised when she revealed that my colleague actually asked her if she had any connections for a new job!! *Shock, shock, horror*
Why? This is the guy, who knows cars better than I do (pls, I don't even have a driving license) and was totally determined to make his mark. I was the one who reached at 9.15 am and left at 6.05 pm everyday (working hours from 9-6) while he was the kind who reached at 9 am and left at 9 pm everyday, doing work. During one huge automobile show, he was the one who liaised a lot with the vendors, got the models and basically did a fair amount of work (thankfully, I was gone by then) and he was DETERMINED to work and shine for it. And it went pretty well, got mentioned in the news and I was thinking - great, he gets a big fat bonus and probably can climb up in a year or two. But that is not to be... I suppose there isn't much one can do when everything else is against you. Which brings me back to the point that I am truly thankful that I got out of there fast. Nothing in the world can make one stay if there is no appreciation, no enjoyment of work and its a dread to be going there everyday. I am still going "Woah...." at that piece of news
Many might say that I picked the wrong path, for the wrong reasons, but then again, who are they to judge me on my choices. It's all about perception - we are all looking at the world and at each other through coloured lenses. I sure hope mine are rose-tinted ones but due to the lack of a silver spoon in my mouth when I was born - that sure is hard to do. Thus, you have this pragmatic, slightly dis-illusioned and totally jaded person here. But I am fine with that - I get MY type of joy from the things I do, the decisions I make - so there.
Back to less serious things - I am seriously missing the rivalry and the days when there was still Channel i; ever since they merged - the quality of the movies being screened are HORRIBLE. I believe they have showed that Brazilian show (at least I think it's Brazilian) Bossa Nova at least 2 times within a month. And the ONLY relatively worth watching show is "The Sound of Music" at 6 pm in the evening. The rest of the shows on Channel 5 on Good Friday really suck! Is that part of a larger move to get people out in Orchard and shop and boost the economy, or one to get singles out dating and married and pro-creating? I seriously don't know. Sometimes, I wish I can be a full-time couch potato in America - do you have ANY idea what kind of shows they have? It's FABULOUS - armed with a bowl of pop corn, potato chips, Coke Lite and my remote control - I can spend at least 10 hours in front of the goggle box non-stop.
It's now Sunday - my 'Me' time day. Yeah, I need some time out and time off from social engagements, work. Unfortunately, they have totally re-arranged the timing of my shows again - now, Third Watch is showing at 4.30, J.A.G at 5.30 and Miss Match at 6.30. I need my own TV...sighz. In addition to that, still have to fill my tax returns - online, (if i can figure out how to), go to the mall to get some stuff and hopefully, get my sorry butt into the gym. And it's already nearing noon. Time sure flies when you are not working...
Oh, and I am SO freaking tempted to splurge on Lucie Silva's new album - Breathe in
4-Day Work Week
Today is Good Friday, or more accurately, 15 minutes ago, it was still Good Friday. Being a non-Christian, it meant that this was a much yearned-for public holiday. Yeah, no school! And seriously speaking, I do need it. Even though I didn't go out with friends today (a last-minute mahjong gathering session at a friend's house was called off due to lacklustre response) and basically just stayed at home and rotted, I really needed the break.
And the break was not to help me rest, but rather, help me catch up on some of my work.
Basically the day's programme went like this: -
8 am - hp alarm function started ringing - slapped the snoozer for one hour straight.
9 am - reluctantly got out of bed
10 am - went online to play crappy Neopet games and chat with friend stuck in Japan (whereby they don't celebrate Good Friday)
11 am - resolved to clean up room, go to gym and do my lesson plans for next week
12 noon - managed to drag myself out of the house to the nearby gym
12.30 - reached the gym, did a grand total of 28 min of cardiovascular exercise (totally pathetic), did 100 leg press, 100 dumbell curl and observed a good number of men making fools of themselves (well, if you count scrutinizing every single muscle that tried to pop out when one lifts a 5 kg weight foolish)
1.30 pm- left gym for home - dropped by NTUC to stock up on fruits, soup, orange juice and canned tuna
2.30 pm - lazed in front of the tv watching some really OLD Andy Lau show (when he had no wrinkles and his body is less sculpted than now - it's amazing how people actually look better when they are older)
3 pm- showered, fresh and ready to start - on Yahoo Towers
4 pm- played Neopets and chatted with friends on MSN again - this time, a JC classmate whom I have not seen for ages - complained about the lack of suitable guys in our lifes - lamented why can't I be a guy instead, etc, etc
5 pm- Reminded myself that I had to clean up my room and do my lesson plan later when watching "The Sound of Music" - well, I can't afford to watch the musical, so I'd satisfy myself by watching another rerun of the movie again.
5.40 pm - Started to cook dinner - soup n omelette - was late for the movie
6.10 pm - Missed the 1st ten min of the show - don't think I missed much - the nuns were singing (horribly, might I add) Ate dinner in front of the telly.
6.45 pm - managed to disconnect laptop and lug it to the living room - all prepped to do my lesson plans for next week - with my huge bag of books and the tv on.
9 pm - How come it has not ended yet? Maria has already married the captain.
9.15 pm - Oh, the start of the Third Reich - hmmm, how come I don't remember this part, I had always thought that the main 'bad' person of the movie was the Baroness.
9.30 pm - it's finally over - the whole family ended up climbing some huge mountains to get away from the Germans - how do they survive? It's freaking cold there. Oops, my lesson plan is not even half done yet. Sighz.
9.35 pm - Switched to Channel 8 for some show by NKF or something like that.
10 pm - Switched back to Channel 5 for the results of the American Idol - Mikalah got voted out - darn - missed all the other performances- this round of contestants seem really good.
10.30 pm - Survivor - Oh darn it - my lesson plan still has a long way to go.
11.30 pm- end of Survivor - my lesson plan still not done yet. But nothing on TV - except for some crappy show called Jakob the Liar or Liar Jakob which stars Robin Williams with an awful accent that is supposed to be German or something like that. Seems totally depressing. Finally finishes my lesson plan - well, not really, cos I left my EL HWB in school - no way to refer to the exercises that need to be done.
12 mn - pack bag with books - to dump the books I have already used in sch tmrw - yes , am going to sch tmrw morning to assemble a shelf, arrange and label some listening thingy, mark books and arrange my table and locate my missing worksheets. Not to mention call 4 parents , ask them to fill in some clarification form that states that their queries have been answered, etc.
12.15 am - blogging about my totally uneventful day...
Yes, we all need a 4-day work week. This is to make sure that we can prepare for next week's work. And I haven't even rested at all, or recuperated from last week's damage. Sighz....
Break, Broke, Broken
That sounds like a line from one of my worksheets. Somehow, to many people, it is not that easy to fathom when to use a particular form of the verb. Unfortunately, for myself, the important thing is NOT deciding on the correct form of the verb to use, but rather, the realisation that no matter what form of the verb, the final outcome is still the same. That I am BROKE...
Met up with my insurance agent several times this week, met up with my friend's insurance agent also. Either I am paranoid, or my parents have not done their adequate financial planning, or that we are just so totally undercovered. I do suppose that alot of things ultimately boil down to THE question - "What if?" This is the phrase that stops people in their tracks, and more accurately, paralysed me in mine. There are just so many uncertainties; even if one has had everything planned properly, a misguided flower pot from 11 storeys above still has that power to alter everything.
Besides paying through my nose for premiums (yes, yes, one should not exceed 30% of one's pay on premiums alone) - I still have to grapple with other things that pose a hazardous threat to my bank account balance - Spontaneous, lethal outbursts of shopping sprees. No matter how many times I tell myself that I don't need any more clothes, shoes, bags or accessories, the retailers in Orchard don't seem to get my point. Or maybe they do, which is why they ply my path with eons of sales, items seductively placed to grab my attention (and my heart) and ultimately, my money...
I actually got 2 pairs of shoes within 15 min (of the exact SAME design, just a different colour). I tried to convince myself that they are really comfortable, it's a great buy, but somehow, my mum's ashen grey face when she confronted me with my huge shopping bags seemed to tell a different story.
It really is not cheap - or more financial feasible to be a gal in Singapore. Things that were taken to be luxuries in the past are now deemed as grooming necessities. Really, eyebrows, hair, nails(hand and toe), make up, skin care, etc. The list just goes on. The eternal need and desire to be well-groomed, good-looking, radiant, etc. All these demands are seriously burning a freaking huge hole in my pocket.
You think I can survive on bread and water for the next 2 weeks, to lessen the impact of such frivolous spending (though I'd hardly call personal grooming frivolous) on my pocket... I myself, doubt so. But even if I could survive on just bread and water, I don't think I'd repair that gaping hole there. Sighz.... am in the stage of being broke, it's just a matter of time before I become broken...
For the Sake of It
I suppose I am quite behind in my blogging.
The awful truth is - I did blog once after I got back from my short holiday to Batam, but somehow, either I screwed up or Blogger screwed up (though I am more inclined to believe the latter) and the end result was that the blog entry did not appear. Being totally exhausted, I refused to retype the whole thing out, or even just summarize it at all.
There, I did blog, just that the whole essay got lost in cyberspace and is probably floating around somewhere.
Anyway, in short, I had quite a good holiday - think low expectations - and I'll be pleasantly surprised. From Bali, to Bintan, to Batam. The rate of deterioration was pathetic, seriously. But what to do? At least I managed to escape from Singapore for a day or two; many of my colleagues are still back in school marking, doing work, having meetings.
Anyway, an hour's ride away (by ferry) exists this place that is really quite different from Singapore. The resort I was staying had a sucky beach - really bad, but I didn't really care. They had a pool, spa centre and an in-house pub - what else was I looking for? I quite enjoyed myself there, despite the lack of amenities, or to many of us, the much lower standards of facilities. But the quality of service more than made up for it, at least the attitude and service of 2 of the resort employees. What was amazing was their sincerity. Singapore seriously has a lot of ground to catch up with respect to that.
One of the most wonderful things I managed to do there was getting an Indonesian massage. It was not so much that I was getting a massage at an awfully good bargain, but rather, the whole setting. We postponed our appointments to 6 pm, having to come back from Nagoya (Japan has another town with the same name - not to be confused) and having to shower.
The spa centre was located a stone's throw away from the main resort - an entertainment centre of sorts, with a gym, bowling alleys, snooker, etc. After having to climb up 4 storeys, we stepped outside to see small Indonesian huts in the outdoor balcony. From there, one could see the sea and the pool. With the sun setting and the wind blowing, it was really breath-taking. Small stones paved the way to each individual huts - yes, we had individual huts for our massages. Through the bamboo blinds, one could vaguely see the scenery and feel the wind on your skin. In the background, you can also hear soothing music as one lay down for the massage. My only complaint was that they didn't exert enough strength or force on my shoulders - I don't think even a bulldozer can achieve that. Somehow, I have earned the dubious honour of having the 'tightest' shoulder muscles ever.
That, and amidst games of snooker (or should I say attempts at snooker) in the pub. The waiter there actually offered us free games (after we'd played 2 games there and spent about $80 on dinner and drinks) till they closed. He even played a game with me (and made me realise how totally pathetic I am at the game - though thankfully, I did not repeat my 6-white-balls-in-a-game feat).
The next morning, after a sumptious breakfast, one managed to get to the pool, and within 30 minutes, acquire a reasonably decent tan. Yeah, finally, I am not that sickly shade of pasty white anymore. Though, I have realised (retrospectively) that make up looks much nicer on fairer skin.
Erm, as I am blogging this, what periodically appears in my mind are all the work I have to do, minutes to write, things to plan, etc.... and somehow, that spoils my mood to blog more about it. Anyway, it is a good place to have a short getaway. I don't need to sight see, I just need a place for me to get away from the maddening crowd here in Singapore, get some massages, relax by the pool and do all the things I have always wanted to do, but never managed to in Singapore.
Dead Beat
I am sure I have had this title before (well, somewhere around in my blog).
But since I am the epitome of what it means now, I seriously don't have the time or energy to sieve through all my previous entries to make sure that there is no duplication of titles. (Aduh!)
Yup, have been waking up at 6.30 - 7.30 am every morning, without fail. And I only conk out around 12 midnight to 1 am. Sure, this may be enough sleep for you, but for me, it's sheer torture. Not to mention the physical exhaustion of rushing around. Feeling really tired.
Sometimes, I just wish that I can lay down to sleep for 7 straight days. I'd even lose some weight, cos it means that I won't be eating for 7 days! (which I'd really NEED) Unfortunately, my bio clock has been timed such that I'd wake up before 9 am tmrw morning.
Aw... that sucks.
