had a bad day again... knew you would not understand
How apt; adapted from the lyrics of some song... which I can totally relate to; esp the starting line of the song. The voice, full of resignation, slight tinge of despair and with this ' I really don't wanna care anymore' attitude.
Yup, had a totally horrible day at work. I don't like to talk about it cos talking or even thinking about it, no matter how good someone's intentions are, just makes it worse. My colleagues didn't know I was that 'soft', or rather, ' sensitive'. I didn't know either, but i am aware that I am not the best in controlling tears. It's a failing that I have always have; and sometimes I do hate myself for it. How come I don't have the self control, or the discipline, or just be able to take it just like that? I don't even feel that I am that strongly being affected. HOwever, the mention of that incident just makes it worse for me... and I end up looking like some oversensitive, super-fragile newbie...when I know that I could be more than that. I can be tough, I can make decisions, I can do work... but I just don't show it...or do I?
Feeling really down and out, didn't wanna face the world... or anyone else. But had a talk w my kid's mum; got cheered up abit; mebe cos I was mometarily forced to focus on other issues instead. Took a cab home and told my mum about the bad day at work and stuff. Felt a tad better, but I am totally not looking forward to work tmrw. Head aches just at the mention of it.
Workaphobia? There must be some kind of scientific term for it; just that I am not aware of it yet. Feeling really down... :(
A Dumbstick & 2 Balls
The title is not misleading; it is, in fact, exactly saying what it's meant to say.
But I do think that the existence of such organs (for whatever ' productive' purpose they exist, i have no idea at all), does hamper one's ability to think in a certain way (I am not saying that that is the RIGHT way, so technically speaking, I am still politically correct).
Or maybe it just screws up your mind and makes you think 'another', unorthodox way.
Well, I don't get called the Gender Basher for nothing...
And if you think this is way too insensitive, that I should have put it across in another more tactful way... Oh well, they don't call me straightforward for nothing either.
So what... LIVE WITH IT! The World doesn't revolve around it; it does for my case, though. It's my blog anyway... Ain't it?
Straight... into the Wall
Yup, the number of occasions when I have landed myself literally into the wall are too many to count. And I don't even wonder why. Actually, I do...
Been reading some 'testimonials', unofficial ones on Friendster, of cos and realised that not just one of my friends have described me as straightforward, but 2!!! That is still 2 too many... But prior to this, I have nvr thought of myself as being straightforward, or even direct. Really, such a thought has nvr crossed my mind, despite the FACT that i am such an egoistical maniac. Yeah, talk abt being blind...or not?
Which set me thinking... Am I really that straightforward a person; hence, decided to ask 2 close friends, who have known me at different ages and stuff...and their singular answer....a resounding "YES!" Once again, I question myself and the being(s) up there; what have i done to deserve this? One added that I cannot be persuaded; whatever I have decided upon for myself is final... no use even asking. Hmmm...ain't that being decisive? But are the 2 linked?
Maybe the lethal combination of these 2 characteristics have made me such a warped being; who knows? But I seriously don't think there is ANYTHING wrong with me. But if you know me (why else would u be still be reading my senseless rambling), and you beg to differ, or even think that some genius out there has hit the nail on the head regarding my 'personality', pray tell! Really, I am awaiting with abated breath on how I fare on people's humanity meter...or whatever you call that.
Back to the issue of being straightfwd. What is the definition of being straightforward then? According to the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary... the definition of straightforward is as follows: -
1 a : free from evasiveness or obscurity : EXACT, CANDID
b : CLEAR-CUT, PRECISE
2 : proceeding in a straight course or manner : DIRECT, UNDEVIATING
Well, I suppose I may be heading in a straight course, right on for ultimate self-destruction. haha...hmm, candid, free from evasiveness or obscurity. After much pondering, I realise that what my frens are trying to say is that I am blunt and don't really have much tact?
Pondering still, will get back to whoever is bored enough to continue reading this trash till here regarding my 'pondered' thoughts eventually...If i do decide that such a comment warrants that much brain power...
ponder... wonder... ponder...
A Gym "whatever" I Am Not
Just in case you read the previous entry and thought that I am some reigning queen of the gym, think again....nah, i just TRY to drag myself there once a week to deal out some physical torture to myself...
9 hours sitting in the same chair for 5 straight days in a week sure gives one backaches..and a whole load of other problems.... and it's the only legitimate way I could try and de-stress...
hence, the verdict, the gym "whatever" is somewhere else...me? Just a lazy bum who tries to make it out of the house on a boring sunday...
Is There Ever Enough Time to Go Around?
Was already musing abt this last night, over supper with a couple of frens after some salsa social dancing. There are only so many hours in a day, 24 to be exact, but there are just so many things to be done. And it's impossible, so to squeeze as much in as one can, some sacrifice sleep, some sacrifice leisure, some sacrifice time for themselves, friends or family.
As for me, all the above-mentioned have suffered somewhat. But it does take its toil; my brain can't function properly due to lack of sleep, I miss outings with friends and I am almost nvr home for dinner.
But there are really too many things to do; One has to work to earn one's keep and survive in Singapore. Even if one doesn't spend on frivolous stuff, everything costs money, even the most basic neccesities, really. That takes up like 10 hrs of the day, not to mention the commuting, which takes up at least 12 hrs of my day already. which leaves me with 12 left, and if I am supposed to get a min of 8 hrs of sleep to function well the next day, i only have 4 hrs of leisure time. What about meals, showering, checking email, etc? How would one ever have enough time?
True, one can schedule and make time, it is possible; and I am a follower of that; all my friends think I am some kind of schedule freak; I derive pleasure in making "THINGS TO DO" lists which are never-ending and i do get satisfaction from ticking agst the things that i have accomplished. However, there is nvr once when I can truly say that I have done every single thing that needs to be done and they eventually get moved to the "THINGS TO DO" list for the next day.
I plan my outings, my events, when I meet up with friends and stuff... I slot things in between, I estimate the amount of time I need ...and it has 'evolved' to a situation where I am just rushing from one place to another, which is really tiring. But in order to do as many things as possible, it is inevitable.
How often have you heard the phrase that you can always make time to exercise. True, if not for anyone else's sake, at least for your own. So, sunday is the time when i hit the gym. and the whole day is gone...gym is always a whirlwind affair, if it could be described as such. THe pain and aches i get afterwards is a good feeling of fatigue; yeah, totally warped, I understand, but it is definitely a much better feeling of being tired as compared to those one gets from working too much.
But really, on sundays, it's meant to be time for myself, but i still feel like i am rushing around. The day starts at ard 10-11 am (it's the ONLY day that I can sleep in). After reading the papers in the late morning till early afternoon, I head for the gym; reach there like 3 + ... normally stay there for like 1.5 hrs...before I rush home to catch Everwood... it's always rushing, trying to do everything within the 1.5 hr time frame.
And please...before you say anything about me just loitering around there, strutting around, with 5 min break in between sets, just let me correct your perception. .. I hit the gym alone; all that stuff about having work out buddies is really a pile of BS - you probably end up talking more than 1/2 the time. THe only place where i frequent most is the washroom and my water bottle. And I DONT need anyone to help me w the weights (cos i dun do those really heavy ones whereby my buddy gotta be on standby just in case i drop the weights and either crush my skull or drop it on my neck and suffocating me).
And if a machine is not available, then I do something else first... i mean, i see all these guys there practically queuing up to have their turn at a particular machine and i am like, "PUleezzz., go do something else first, don't crowd around!!" This always happens when they come in a group of like 3-4 people... Everybody JUST has to watch their friend do their reps, somehow, I don't find it that fascinating, or am i missing something here?
And this bunch of potential lians and bengs (think 12-14 year old KIDS), hanging around the free weights, trying to decide which weight is the best one to use...and spending more time flicking their fringe, swinging their heads to see their earrings dangle and BLOCKING MY VIEW! Yes, I am sure you can see why i am SO condescending towards them; a whole bunch of airheads, with NO muscles to boot. Oh, there are plenty of specimens with some muscles to boot, or just a tad too many since they somehow become the epitome of vanity. Really, vanity (as in public display of it), IS and SHOULD BE something that is reserved for gers, women, ladies... NOt men who, when they think they've gotten a few muscles (OR many muscles), think its a really nice thing to keep flexing their muscles in front of the mirror and pinching it to feel how much it has grown since their last set of 12 reps.
Oh well, enough about my gripping about my trip to a public gym..i wouldn't suppose the private gyms are much better. For one, their machines totally stink, since the regulars work out so much. Secondly, it's full of super beefy, muscular (think OVER DEVELOPED) himbos strutting around in singlets and teeny weeny shorts... *puke*
Well, pardon me if i do seem totally autocratic and unreasonable, since it is meant to be a public gym. And i should be doing my own stuff, and not minding other people's business. I do that, really, mind my own business, that is. I go around, without any eye contact with anyone, doing my own stuff and prob would have won the first prize for appearing super unfriendly (Concentration and Focus!) and treating everyone like they are transparent. BUt they aren't (unfortunately) and when they stand between the mirror and I when i am working out (just to flick some hair or flex some (invisible) muscles), it just irritates the hell out of me.....
and hence this entry..meant to be one bemoaning the lack of time, but ultimately ended up as verbal abuse of the (a)typical, irritating eyesore one tends to see in gyms nowadays.... be forewarned...
Party Animal...ME???
Yup, finally went to look at my friendster account; where i now have a grand total of 2 testimonials - one from a sec sch fren and another from a JC classmate. And BOTH mentioned that i am sorta a party animal, or at least something along those lines.... and my immediate reaction is..."Party Animal...ME???"
Really.... U have NO idea what a home person I am, or could be... but sometimes, it is fun to go out and party...i am sure everyone won't deny that. (maybe my sometimes is equivalent to too many times...hahah...oh well, it's always subjective)
and when i commented this to a fren....he said.." you didnt look like the party type when i first knew u..." or something like that....hmmm....
*pondering still*
Friday Night...and Rotting @ Home
Deepavali...and I am at home, Again...hmm, maybe there is something parents eat or some kinda workshop they go to that teaches them to keep all their kids (grown up ones as well) at home all the time.
Even if there is no real purpose for their children to be at home, it is just better than them being out and having fun. It sure is warped reasoning, but then again, parenthood does that to most pple anyway...
Just that it's a rare public holiday and I basically spent the whole day rotting at home. Hmm, not even rejuvenating myself even. just feeling kinda tired; the session at the gym didn't help much either...and i wonder why...
Oh well, life is full of unanswered questions anyway, I am sure my few questions here won't make much of a difference.
Moods...
THE MOODS OF A WOMAN...
An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle a stranger alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk,
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.
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THE MOODS OF A MAN
Hungry.
Horny.
Sleepy.
(Courtesy of Xi-er; thanks, ger..for providing us with the 'ABSOLUTE TRUTH' )
Count Down to 6...
Friday evening, 5.40 pm... waiting for time to pass ... for the clock to strike 6 pm before I can leave the office and make my way to the doctor's. Hmm, even my colleague commented that this is the first Friday since I have started working that I don't have any activity after work. Hmm, really? In this case, I really haven't been leaving time for myself, to rest and relax and recuperate.
Today has been a flurry of non-stop activity. And the best thing is, I am not doing my own work, not that I have nothing to do. Tons actually, but just that it's not that urgent whereas my colleagues are buried neck deep in theirs. So since I am less busy and can spare the time to do less brain-wrecking work.... might as well just help. It should be that way... if not, will definitely die when my own events start...
Rained heavily today again, after yesterday's scorching sun... hmm, my friend really got married on the RIGHT day... the only day of the whole week that wasn't pouring heavily. Even though took leave yesterday, felt that i didn't rest enough, not to mention the fact that I conked out around midnight and had to wake up early this morning. It is definitely a great feeling to be able to sleep in. I almost didn't want to awake yesterday; it felt so good just to sleep and not have to worry about being late for work (because I didn't have to go to work!)
yeah.. this will be the only week where I don't have any activity after work, not even on the weekends...sad man, sad man.... think i'll just rot in bed....but i can't sleep that long! which is a TOTALLY infuriating thing...that I cannot indulge in such luxury. Even when I don't have work, I'll automatically awake at 9+, unless I conk out at 4 in the morning. Haiz, how i wish i could be one of those pple who can just sleep for ages..even the whole day...then perhaps the huge dark eye circles ard my eyes will disappear or at least become fainter....
ROM...Finally
[yeah, yeah, yeah, say ur prayers that it's not me and there is no unfortunate guy (yet)]
Yeah..Finally been there, for my fren's wedding, or should I say more accurately, the marriage solemnization ceremony? It was indeed an eye-opener and though there were many times I felt like bursting out in laughter, not that its funny (xl, pls, i am not making fun of your BIG day), but rather, since it's everyone's first time there, esp the bride n groom, everyone seemed So awkward, like not knowing what to say exactly and stuff....
at the end of the ceremony, i wasn't even sure if i should clap or not..haha..hmm, dilemma....but it sure was an eye opener...=)
Oh..and finally made my way to the dentist..yeah , been having a lot of 'dates' with doctors recently, not to mention that i gotta talk to them everyday (either via phone or in person)... realised that i've got a huge cavity (and i tot i bit something SO hard that my tooth chipped off). Tried my best to save it, verdict to be out within the next 2 weeks....sure hope to retain ALL my adult teeth man...
and it was So freaking hot today, after so many days of rain in the mornings....but managed to drag myself to the gym...and it sure is crowded, even on a weekday evening. Actually, even more so as compared to on Sundays...totally tired out, (not that i did a lot), but stamina is way gone...and havent been hitting the gym as often as i could or had in the past.... but it was a good kinda fatigue that i felt...
{and i could breathe through my nose when i am exercising, or maybe not, but the pain is more excruciating elsewhere, hence taking my mind n attention of the breathing through my nose....}
Hmm, experiencing muscle aches everywhere..but it feels darn good, should try and make it a regular practice ...if only there weren't so many pple there, esp posers who just hang around with their himbotic buddies, posing in front of the mirrors (AND BLOCKING MY VIEW when i am working out!!) or those who come in see through singlets cos they think they've got a hot bod (well, even if you do, there is NO need to flaunt it like that, it is the same as using a loudspeaker and yelling "hey......free meat for all, man!"
Aduh, pea sized brains, NO wonder....
Yup, get back to reality, you pple who are out there reading this (esp guys....)
I Can't Breathe....
Well, at least not properly, through my nose... been a chronic problem for the past half year and didnt take the medication regularly as i should. And it has worsened.
Was referred to another doctor to get a 2nd opinion in the past, due to family history of related illnesses... and now it has worsened. Hmm, only thing I can do is to keep my fingers crossed and hope the visit to the doc tmrw has an optimistic ending....
See ya Doc...
The Clubbing Scene
Didn't realise that I missed clubbing that much. Or perhaps it was the company, or that I just wanted to get high and forget whatever unhappiness.
Finally went clubbing, after a long hiatus from this 'decadent' activity, on Friday... Ended up at dble O at first, (which is one of my fave haunts), where I met several pple I knew. Joined my fren's group of colleagues, several of whom I have met and joined in clubbing before.
Unfortunately, the music didnt seem to agree much with my group, so after downing several shots, decided to migrate to Newsroom... where the rest of the huge group joined us later. Actually, it didn't really matter what place i was in - the effects of the alcohol had already taken place by then... stomach was churning quite a bit, since there wasn't any food to act as a buffer.
Apart from inhaling too much smoke, and having to squeeze with so many people... it was quite an enjoyable experience. The light-hearted bantering, exchange of witty remarks with people, the friendly jab on the arm and in general, just a more relaxed atmosphere since everyone was out to relax and have a good time.
Even seriously considering it as a full-time hobby...
Yup, spiralling down into full-time decadence...
Silent & Full of Angst
Realised that I could go around without saying a single word for 2 whole days. And I am living among 'human beings' as well. Amazing. If only it could continue...
If only...
Stuck at home on a Sat... Night..
the reason why I am blogging so much now is cos I am stuck at home on a saturday night, while everyone else i know is out having fun. I have nothing agst staying at home; i enjoy the rest as well (on SUNDAYS), but what really gets me is the fact that I have a social activity on...just that I cannot go cos of vocal objections from relatives...
I am sure you can imagine my frustration...
Could I Self Destruct?
Freaking boiling inside... i every part of my is boiling... could just envision the bloody bubbling, steaming... Heart is palpitating, pounding not with excitement but rather with rage...
Simmering, simmering...boiling...if i could smash everything in sight, would I? Definitely... just feel the outrage seeping through every part of my body... would i self combust and just burst into flames? Won't be a bad thing if that were to happen...
Homicidal Tendencies
Realised that been having conflicts w many people this week, or rather, just these 2 days. Super sian of everything. Perhaps I should just isolate myself, be a hermit at some god-forsaken island, where I don't have to face any fellow human-beings. Then there won't be conflicts, no quarrels, no arguments, no nasty interaction.
If only that were true... if only it could happen.
I wish SO much that i could just scowl at everyone everywhere. Yeah, it would be a permanent fixture on my face. and If looks could kill, I would want to be a mass murderer. To tell everyone to scram and get out of my way. Cross my path and consider your life shortened unexpectedly...
ANd so what if i am freaking pissed, so be it. What bloody business is it of anyone out there? Just don't cross my path... or I'll be sorry as well...
Mums...
Got grounded, really. And you would think at the ripe old age of 23, things like these won't happen anymore? And i used to think that my mum was really liberal and stuff in the past. Guess I was wrong.
Was supposed to go salsa dancing tonight with my classmates - and after all that nagging from last night, which continued even till tonight, I couldn't take it anymore. Even after I conceded defeat and 'decided' that i shall not go out, the nagging still didnt stop. All the phrases, : "don't your frens' mums complain too?", " but you are out all the time..", " stay at home lah.. why must you go out?"
totally irritated...so much that I am speechless. Decided to keep MUM, literally speaking... *pulls hair in frustration* ARGKKKKKKK!!!!!
A Big Quarrel
Had a really big quarrel with a fren... and I don't wanna talk about it. End of story.
It is A Very Sian Thing to Have Very Sian Friends...
Yes... it is INDEED.
Can you imagine the build-up of frustration, when you hi someone on net and she goes " very sian" and when asked what she is sian about... "just sian". One offers her solutions to relieve her boredom - "watch some tv instead" which is met with a "nothing on tv to watch".
It's worse than hitting a wall... at least with a wall, it remains silent whereas in this case, any attempt at decent conversation to lighten up the other party's mood is met with 'snide' remarks.
And a question is asked of one - one which can easily be solved by just being a tad more hardworking - aka - search on the WEB! And one is asked " where is this place ar? i noe it's along this road, but duno what building, you know how to get there?" i mean, all this info can be obtained from the internet...and when u tell her that...one gets a "but it's tmrw leh...". Just call the receptionist and ask for directions lah..i mean, if the person works there, i am SURE that person knows HOW to get to that bloody place.
So it's a whole bunch of whining and .. " how ar? duno leh, very sian..." kinda conversation. Which TOTALLY makes my blood wanna boil!! ARgkk, yes, if you have not realised by now, i am a very impatient and quick tempered person. NOw you know and you have been warned...SO BEWARE!
And the first result i got when i used google could show me everything, the building name, the map, the phone numbers, the buses that go there, the buildings opposite it and even the name of the person to call.... ARgkkk, i am sure you would understand why I feel like tearing my hair out...
SIan pple....
So there...
Can't think of any suitable title for this entry, so just decided to leave it blank...(but if there is a title, it probably just means that it struck me at the end of the entry).
Realised that I've been dabbling in too many a thing - golf, salsa and whatever things... And while it might have seemed really fun and interesting in the beginning, the pressure to keep up with it is really increasing and taking its toil.
First of all, it's not that convenient or accessible, especially golf. Things needed - CLUBS, membership to the club, timing, transportation. And the fact that I suck at it is no great help either. Hence, when those that I have been learning it with suggest practicing or completing our lessons, they somehow fail to see the logistic problems the outing would involve. No one seems to remember that I live on the other end of Singapore, (actually, it seems more like the other end of the world) and that I have to work! THat is the problem when friends you know live somewhere freaking far from where you stay. (HOW THE HELL DO I GET BACK?)
And salsa... yeah yeah yeah, I have heard it all - the 'P' word - Practice, practice, practice. I would want to do so too, but with the lessons ending around 10 every Tuesday and us reaching Union Square like 10+ and only ME in the whole group who lives in some godforsaken location in Singapore (think Jurong Island, is that west enough for you? Any further and i'll probaby end up in the sea)... it means that I have to leave by 11.15 pm (yeah, modern version of Cinderella, albeit a much uglier one with pretty 'step-sisters'?)
Let alone practice salsa at Xen bar on Saturday nights. For one, those who go reach there like 11 pm. And i have to leave by 1130 pm. How fun would it be? I probably spend like near 2 hours travelling to and fro and just 1/2 hr dancing, or should i more accurately put it, 'trying to dance', with a Capital 'T'. I am sure by now, you would have gotten my point.
Hmm, so if you are anyone of the above whom I have mentioned indirectly, kindly spare a thought for me or at least try to empathise the next time I decline an invitation. It is not that I am anti-social or that I am not 'on' - aka enthusiastic enough. It is just that I have carefully considered the implications (logistic ones) and decided that it is just too much trouble engaging in such activities. Sure, I would try, and if everything permits, I would be more than happy to attend and participate. But the truth is that, more often than not, it is not...
So there...
Do Guys Like These Still Exist?
Just some musing on my part. Was on the bus on Monday night, on the way home. Dble decker, and it was raining, so it was rather cold in the air-con bus too. Sat all the way at the back. The bus passed by NUS and a couple of pple came up. Not many seats left; all were taken (meaning you had to sit beside someone else). Then a guy plonked himself beside me (which i found weird considering I was the only ger at the back), but nvm...
Snuck a look at him and what he was reading - he plowed through Chapter 9 till Chapter 12 of some engineering module notes. Couldn't make head or tail of it, so just decided to stone while gazing out of the window.
Felt colder, so was rubbing my hands together and blowing warm air onto them. Then the guy besides me reached up and adjusted his air con vent. (I thought so that it won't blow onto me) BUT he adjusted Mine too!! (i was looking out of the corner of my eyes). Was really shocked; was stunned for a couple of moments and when I recovered, I didn't know how to react - a bit late to say thanks (pple would probably think i am damn slow). But still in awe... Perfect Stranger... somemore...
Do people like these still exist? Or maybe it just happened that all those (guys) that i know are not like that. *Sigh*
Happenings...
And I reiterate, I am not happening. (at all)
If my mum had her way, i'd probably be at home everynight from 8 pm onwards. And she has this warped rule about me not watching more than 2 movies a month. Don't ask me why; she can't provide me with a decent reason as well.
Haiz, i sure miss the freedom in hall...
Now u see why I am not happening at all?
Tuesday Noon
12.35 pm now. Really busy with work and have no time to write.
So just decided to drop a note (to myself) and say hi there! to whoever's reading this page.
Which ultimately is only me, myself and I.
Oh well, it's my own world afterall...
Almost 12
Head still hurts...
i need an elixir... Desperately
Which leads me to ponder - i Have been having these bouts of headaches rather frequently lately.
Yes, yes, yes, I can already hear your voices - Go see a Doctor!
but how the hell am i supposed to tell him that i have a headache...and expect him to instantly diagnose what's wrong with me. hmm, which spells multiple visits ultimately.
Or as some other people would say, " haven't u ever heard of Panadol before?"
Oh well, freaking headaches...
Sunday Night
Sunday Night... freaking headache. Perhaps even the body is able to tell that the next day is a working day. And is rebelling even more due to all the activities and fun it had over the weekend, protesting and demanding more rest time. Alas, we only have 2 days in the weekend ... which is definitely not enough.
But then again, what is of urgency now is how to get rid of the headache. ARgkkk... head Aches... badly, too. :(
Where to Study... (II)
I never liked to study in libraries - didn't understand why so many people enjoy studying there. The air is so stuffy, you are surrounded by people who have been there for 3 consecutive weeks and are coughing like crazy and passing the germs to you. It's so freaking cramped, everyone is there with thick stacks of books and notes. And you wonder where peer pressure came from...
I do understand the rationale, it's air-conditioned, open for long hours and if u dump your sweater or books or bag there, you can 'chop' that seat for god knows how freaking long. And if you study with your friends, you can ask each other questions... which is supposed to be good, but i find it bad for my case.
For one, I am not exactly the most diligent student on campus, and that is a GROSS understatement. yeah, i admit, i am quite lazy. If you see what my friends do to prepare for exams and what I do, you will see the difference. So, when i study with peers, it's very pressurizing because they start spouting questions with jargon that i have nvr heard of (and it's supposed to be in my textbook or notes) and start discussing about how it would affect everything else we have studied and so on and so forth. NOt exactly very good as a morale booster and it just stresses me out totally.
Because my attitude towards studying for exams is, if i don't understand, even after much trying, by default, this topic or question will not come out. Yup, delusional or self-denial, whatever you say, but then if i can move on to other topics and be able to sleep at night, why not? but not so for my friend, hence, if she has this nagging question and i don't noe how to answer...it will end up bugging me too.
So the best place to study, hall. just stay off the bed, keep the tv off and DON't Chat or surf the net. a lot of self discipline is needed.... (hmm, no wonder my grades are like that....)
Where to Study...
Was on the train when I heard the discussion on radio - should students be allowed to study in fast food restaurants or cafes? Apparently, the police had been called in to chase them away from a Coffee Bean & Tea Leave outlet. I sure hope the students boycott this cafe. I mean, how else is one supposed to show one's displeasure or outrage at such treatment or their attitude towards students? I am sure the revenue from students is at least 5-10% of their total revenue. And the talk show went on and on about where one should study for exams and stuff. And it brought back memories of the days when I was a student (not that it was ages ago; but working life kinda screws up one's sleeping and working habits, or should i more accurately put it - hall life screws that up)
Suddenly had this flash - and it was really vivid; you know when you think of something, you don't really see or visualise it. But in this case, even as I was on the train, I could see it clearly; even feel it. I could really feel the atmosphere or the surroundings.
The sunlight would partially stream into my room, I would pull the blinds up, clear my bed and table so that I would be in the mood to attempt studying and blast the music. Would try classical or soundtracks. If I were really trying to concentrate, would listen to Vivaldi's 4 Seasons - especially autumn and winter, since there would be a crescendo and the notes would really, literally speaking, come crashing down. Or I'll play the soundtrack of Braveheart and some nice ones where the tracks tend to be haunting and really sad. Haha, somehow that improves my mood for 'serious' studying.
Or when i get tired of the 'serious' music, will play pop songs, really candy pop songs... and try to relax a little. There is only so much classical i can take at one shot. But when i get really frustrated with the books or my supervisor or just fed up in general... will blast rock songs, those which generally involve a lot of screaming and yelling, by artists like limp bizkit and linkin park. hahah, really miss those days.
I really liked the feeling of waking up moderately early, say 9 -10 am and having a whole new day ahead to start one's work. Everything is nicely laid out and all i have to do is crack my skull and massacre my brain cells and try to digest my notes. Haiz, all but a lingering memory of the past.
Miss studying in hall...
