Pebbles, Stones, Hills and now...Mountains...
Not exactly going through a very smooth patch right now; for me, that is a GReaT understatement. The thought had always been that once I got out of that situation which would nvr improve, things would look better... my chair did warn me about it; how sure could I be that the new place would be better, if not worse than the first one. I told him that it was a chance that I had to take.
That chance I have taken; and I still don't know if this gamble will pay off. But somehow, it really didn't start off well. Things are not looking well at all... and there is no indication that it will be better. And everything just culminates and turns into an tornado... I hate this feeling...
In Desperate Need of a Car, a Driving License & Sleep..in that order
I so desperately need a car,but apparently, the prices of cars in singapore is ridiculous....and not to mention the fact that I don't already have a driving license; everyone is questioning the rationale behind me being hired in the first place. And yes, sleep, lots of sleep..... zonked out..
I HATE BEING A PC IDIOT!!!!
ARgkkk, yes, I hate being an idiot at PC and whatever stuff that is related to it! The reason why I have suddenly developed such a strong loathing for myself, and the lack of knowledge in this particular field is because i have spyware on my laptop..or browser hijack. See, I don't even KNOW the exact name of this horrendous problem that is plaguing me. ARgkkk...and I have spent like 4 hours sitting in front of the laptop, trying to figure out how to solve it, with help from magnanimous friends' whose patience I am definitely trying...
Fine, blame it on my not updating my antivirus updates and whatever else could be the cause of this. ARGKKKKK; HELP!!!! I mean, why does browser hijackers even exist. I mean, if i cannot even surf any websites in the first place...how the hell does the evil organisation behind this heinous plot even begin get information. Or mebe that is not even the way this whole thing works. THIS SUCKS BIG TIME!!!!
ANd i cannot even go to any bloody websites to dl any antispyware software; why?? Cos I just end up at the same old website...HELP!!! I HATe computers....there is always this love-hate relationship that is lurking; not that I ever proclaim my happiness at its existence, but I sure nvr fail to curse it should anything screw up. Yeah, i take it for granted; but don't we all?
Inaccuracies....
To add to the whole list of inaccuracies about my new job, or my current job status; I have had a friend's friend...whom I met again while clubbing...tell me..." Oh, I heard from her that you finally got a job..." and blah blah blah.."That's great; cos the last time I saw you, you were saying that there's been nothing despite having sent so many applications.."
For your information's sake...the last time i saw her was about 1 year ago..and FOR GOODNESS sake, this is NOT my first job! I am CHANGING JOBS...PUHLEZZ!! sometimes, the dim-wittedness/ bluntness/ lack of basic intelligence of the creatures breathing in the same air around me just makes me wanna puke. FIne, I am offensive too, so what? At least I keep such 'air-headed' comments to my blog, n not spew them liberally, without any thought of its effects on the 'pple' around me...
YES, I SELL CARS...HAPPY now?
I have NO idea when SALES is used interchangeably with MARKETING; but that distinction had been clearly made for me (and I am sure, for the REST of my marketing cohort in Bizad 5 years back). HOWever, I still have the 'pleasure' - take that inverted commas seriously, of hearing it from people; not just doctors (whose sworn enemies have long been businessmen), but from my peers as well...who automatically go... "OH, so you are selling cars now...". How encouraging...
One went even further "Wah, not bad siah...sounds like an UPGRADE..".'UPGRADE'???? What freaking upgrade is that? It is NOT the moving of a house, from one with 'n' number of rooms to a 'n+1' number of rooms. Neither is it the buying of a laptop or computer where one 'upgrades' the RAM or harddisk or whatever specifications. How APT...upgrade; you have NO idea how insulted I feel by that. It's unbelievably surreal... And yes..the PRICE I COMMAND....argkk, just the usage of such words makes me CRINGE inside...
I feel like strangling somebody right now...
I think I am still young....but my body tells me otherwise...
Been one long hectic week... even went back to the office on Saturday...from 9.30 am - 3.30 pm; was supposed to leave at 1.30...but even so, was rushing out...cos was already 45 min late... Couldn't believe that in just less than 10 months there, I have accumulated so much junk and documents and what-not.... But I have to confess that my mind is still w that job....was making a mental list of what to remind my colleagues of even as I hopped onto the cab...
Yesterday was one long day for me... went clubbing ... (yes, after spending the whole day, travelling from my hse to my office, then to orchard, then to clementi, then back home...after a quick shower, it was back to clementi, then to town for clubbing...probably spend more time outside of my home than the hours I spend in it.
I did take a hiatus from the clubbing scene... usually when I go with colleagues, it's more of a pubbing kinda thing, on a weekday...and we usually head home before midnight. Hence, when I first stepped into the room; I was like "woah...."; kinda overwhelmed... but as I joined the rest of the seemingly mindless crowd in gyrating to the music; I thought to myself...HEy..I kinda miss clubbing, really...the chance to lose myself in the loud music...and get enough of the booze to not really care about the surroundings... That 'euphoria' lasted momentarily....
Cos, just after less than 2 hours of 'dancing'; if that is what pple call gyrating to heart-thumping, deafening music, I was quite exhausted.... And so were my friends. Of course no one fell flat on their face or collapsed on the floor from sheer exhaustion; but boy, did we need a break, OFF our feet. We all could head back to the dance floor and continue 'dancing', but the attraction/ draw just wasn't there anymore. We didn't really wanted to go back to the floor; were open to other alternatives, find a place to chill & hang out, supper, etc...and it was only 1.30 am when we left...
And all of us confessed straight up that we have really grown old....cos it didn't seem that long ago when we were clubbing, going from pub to pub till 3/4 am in the morning, when the places absolutely HAD to close... and still had enough energy to grab a bit os supper after that... Boy...does work kills us all....
Released?? Free?? I Don't Think So...
Today is supposedly my last day at work; but guess what, I am heading back to the office again tmrw..on a SATURDAY!!! Yes, even I cannot believe it. Been staying every night in the office till 9 or later (except on Tuesday when I had tuition). Today, I totally broke the record, stayed till 10.30 pm...and still had so much things left to do....despite rushing like the bullet train throughout the whole day... so freaking tired that I just took a cab home; something that I would not have even contemplated about 1 week ago...no way man...i'd rather spend that 10 plus bucks on something that stays...CDs, books..etc...
Call me a workaholic, I don't deny..but it's not that I obtain perverse pleasure in torturing myself by drowning in work..But as my colleague accurately put it ..." responsible..." Hm, somehow, a trait that is supposed to be positive, a good thing..somehow lands me in such deep shit....with piles of work to be done....and resulting me in slogging my guts out... Tell me, how does that work out here? I figured that responsibility is ONLY effectively a good thing only if you are RESPONSIBLE for and to yourself. The only person you must never ever let down is your own self... Yeah, life totally sucks, but that is the truth. No matter how nice some people may seem; I am not saying that they are all double-faced snakes (like my ex-boss; YEAH!! EX-BOSS!!!, finally!)..but that in times of dire straits.... no one gives a damn about you...thus, you seriously gotta look out for number one - YOURSELF..or in this case...ME, myself & I....
Hey, I may seem extremely embittered, resentful, but not really. In fact, I do miss the place, work, etc... I suppose people ARE resistant to change. After having worked here for about a year...Fine fine fine..10 months... or even less; I have seriously gotten used to the workflow, pace & colleagues. It is definitely hard to throw away all this that have constituted my comfort zone...and head for another which is totally new, full of surprises and worst of all...to confront the fear that I might not be good enough for the new company..and that I had totally misrepresented myself at the interview...that all they got was an impression of what I could achieve...and not the real thing... Yes, the scene where I go to the new office and they tell me straight in the face that "Sorry, I am afraid that we don't have any position for you now.." WHAT THEN??? ARGKKKKK *panic strikes...*
I do suppose I brought it upon myself...all the work to do, the handover and stuff...there is absolutely NO need for me to type out lists of things to take note of...what to do, etc for the newbie..HEy, I picked up everything myself, with the help of my fellow collegues; where everytime I asked for help, I just felt so embarrassed and apologetic as they were already so busy...but still had to entertain my dumb questions... But more importantly. I had already promised the doctors that I would ensure a smooth handover..and do up the lists for the respective pple & my replacement...so that everyone knows exactly what the other is supposed to do.
My colleague told me "Why work so hard??? It's your last day already...just go off lah..." she is apparently from another department, where more than 40% of their working hours is spent cracking peanuts & gossiping and slowly reading whatever's on the screen. But what is more important to me...is not that...I mean, I have already put in so much effort & time into my work... worked from home when on MC...went back to office for consecutive weekends... that it got noticed...without even ME having to utter a word... And they always say that the ending is what pple remember (which is totally in-line with the assumption that everyone likes a happy ending..at least that applies to me).
Thus, why should I throw away all that for just a few hours or days of freedom or more time...I have abit of that this coming week. It is absolutely crucial to me that I am seen as extremely responsible & efficient. (It is NOT enough to be extremely responsible & efficient; you also HAVE to appear so - it's not the truth that matters, but rather the perception that others have of you)!
That being said; I am truly feeling abit blue...have notified the relevant pple that I have worked with about my leaving the company... and of cos, it is courtesy to reply with all the standard, usual " All the best, I am sure you will excel, succeed, you will be missed..etc" Of course some of these comments are out of habit...that's the usual thing to say.... but I'd like to think that most of them did mean it...after all, we did work very closely for the meetings & other Chapter activities... Call me egoistical; I won't deny that.
But what really struck me dumb was this email from my Chapter chairman...he is well known for being extremely serious, stern, no-nonsense kind of guy... not exactly the kind that you can speak to informally, etc... but he sent me this email & cc the rest of the committee..."I just like to record a note of deep appreciation to ME. Those who have
worked with her will agree that she has been a breath of fresh air with her
enthusiasm, energy and passion, and the Chapter has certainly benefitted from
her excellent secretariat support. I'll like to wish her the very best in her
future endeavours."
WOAH...I was seriously OVERWHELMED...in a positive way, that is... IT is the FIRST time that someone has described me as a "breath of fresh air"... and to have this coming from my chairperson....even rarer; I would suppose...even my colleagues were quite astonished. But the only thing that sorta stuck out like a sore thumb was the fact that all the work that I have done, all the effort that I have put in...doesn't reflect the strengths or abilities that I have. All it says is that i am a bloody efficient & good secretary...ADUH, whatever happened to any mention of my brains, my great interpersonal, organisational skills? Nothing...not a single word about it; because the doctors don't see it..... which just convinces me even more that this job is not what I want...no matter what the doctors say...it is definitely not in my best interest to stay here long term....what long term? I couldn't even stand it after 1 month in the job...and I was seriously desperate to get out of the place before 1 year is up....
Woah..it's already past 2 am; still gotta head back to the office tmrw morning....better catch some shut-eye....a huge day ahead of me tmrw man....haiz.....
