Afterthoughts
Don't assume that I am swooning still, suffering from the after effects of the rally speech.
There are areas whereby I do think the govt (headed by the new PM) has struck the chord and hit the right note, but there are areas where I don't fully agree..and the examples cited are just one side of the story.
For one, the issue of the cost of living going up and that the govt has no control over that. Examples cited were the cost of petrol going up, the avian flu hitting M'sia & thus increasing the price of chicken, egg, etc. But what about the cost of transportation. Those who can't afford cars ( think lower income - this is the group whom the govt should also be concerned about) have to take the public transport to work everyday. But the fee hikes recently? And SMRT/ SBS actually posted some ridiculously high increase in profit recently - I think it's the former..and i think it's either 75% or 175%. If you are reporting such a huge increase in profit margins - why the hell do you still need to raise your fees for?
National Day Rally
I am feeling so inspired and fired up right now...
First time I sat through most of the rally (well, frankly, I couldn't understand why people used to stay glued to the TV sets in the past to such speeches).. but now, I can fully understand why.
Gotten a glimpse of the various changes and policies that will be implemented down the road later, heard about what the PM stated are the concerns we are all facing and personally, I have to to take my hat off to him; he sure nailed it. I do agree with him on various issues and he has hit the nail right on the head. It's not abt financial incentives when you want to have kids; it's values. It's not just about grades or syllabus when you are educating the young - it's more about experiential learning..and teachers learn, or should learn too.
The future will not be easy, but at least instead of whining about the current situation, I do hope that more people will take the difficult circumstances in their stride and just accept it as part and parcel of being alive, of wanting to survive, or even do well in the new world where terms like globalisation and knowledge economy are key. One has to fight for survival if you want to survive and be relevant. Since when in history was it never so? If some nit-picking Singaporeans are going to dwell on small minor issues that was not mentioned, etc... and complain that nothing is done...grow up and face the reality, or get out.
Feeling especially patriotic...well, if such a term can be used on me (u are talking abt someone who purposely missed the previous NDPs on TV and hates it when such programmes disrupts her usual tv-watching schedule - same for the Olympics)....the PAP/ govt should seriously consider hiring me....Really!!
National Day Rally
I am feeling so inspired and fired up right now...
First time I sat through most of the rally (well, frankly, I couldn't understand why people used to stay glued to the TV sets in the past to such speeches).. but now, I can fully understand why.
Gotten a glimpse of the various changes and policies that will be implemented down the road later, heard about what the PM stated are the concerns we are all facing and personally, I have to to take my hat off to him; he sure nailed it. I do agree with him on various issues and he has hit the nail right on the head. It's not abt financial incentives when you want to have kids; it's values. It's not just about grades or syllabus when you are educating the young - it's more about experiential learning..and teachers learn, or should learn too.
The future will not be easy, but at least instead of whining about the current situation, I do hope that more people will take the difficult circumstances in their stride and just accept it as part and parcel of being alive, of wanting to survive, or even do well in the new world where terms like globalisation and knowledge economy are key. One has to fight for survival if you want to survive and be relevant. Since when in history was it never so? If some nit-picking Singaporeans are going to dwell on small minor issues that was not mentioned, etc... and complain that nothing is done...grow up and face the reality, or get out.
Feeling especially patriotic...well, if such a term can be used on me (u are talking abt someone who purposely missed the previous NDPs on TV and hates it when such programmes disrupts her usual tv-watching schedule - same for the Olympics)....the PAP/ govt should seriously consider hiring me....Really!!
There is Hope for Me Still...
Yes, there is hope for me still... really, I couldn't believe also until I read this in the news.
"Wanted: PR officers; only ugly grads need apply"
Well, if what they advertise is true, then I am sure there is one other place that can possibly hire me...for I do fit the description - ugly grads wanted.
Well, I suppose that is the silver lining one always associate with a grey cloud...
Fatigue...
been quite tired these days to write anything.
Besides the fact that I usually get home rather late - my dinner can be as late as 10.30 pm, the long travelling hours also do not really help much.
Also, had a really bad day at work yesterday. Realisation of the current situation made me see how vulnerable I am and that I don't really have any cover at all. Extremely scary. Knowing that you aren't really doing anything productive/ constructive is bad enough already. But having the upper management know and feel that way is worse; especially when they start questioning your immediate superior about your actual job scope and your superior feels the need to justify your presence by emailing her that stuff that you are supposedly incharge of..and arranges for a meeting with her to present whatever findings and proposals one might have. However, if the upper management is already ill-disposed towards the type of activities and events you are proposing (due to the nature of your job scope), she can make it hard for one to stay... so that one will leave automatically. She is not above that - she did that to the previous manager in my dept....
Warped world....
Light Hearted Musing... (for once)
Yup, decided not to torture all the readers of my blog (if they haven't died unnatural deaths from overdose of unlimited complaining & whining from yours truly) at least for now. (Or make it this entry). Well, at least while I try not to think of impending doom tmrw...or work...
Anyway, my ex-colleague invited me to some inaugural lecture dinner for a particular group of specialists at Sheraton Towers on Saturday. And I totally just jumped at the chance; of cos, free dinner with great company, why not? Some friends even thought that it was a company function (my current company). Thankfully, it's not.
Due to an apptment earlier in the day, I had to bring my stuff down to the hotel & change. It was a long wait; the key card wasn't working, etc..but I eventually made my way down to the ballroom; albeit abit late. And was totally apologetic that I didn't come down earlier to help my ex-colleague out (she was in charge of the whole event..)
Contrary to what I thought, I was seated with a group of other doctors; I had earlier thought that my table won't comprise of any of them. Since my other ex-colleagues were helping out and working, only I was seated there in awkward silence at first. Eventually, a bubbly lady doctor sat beside me. After some long lecture...dinner began and she started to chat. Usually, we don't talk that much to them; their conversations usually revolve around their cases and work. (sorta remembered why I didn't like certain aspects of the job scope of my previous job).
Anyway, the highlight of the day, or the point I am trying to get to is... Someone said that I was pretty!!! Well, make that 2 within a span of 3 days. For those who have nvr met me, trust me, it occurs only once in a blue moon, or rather, more accurately, nvr in history before. For those who have seen me before, I am sure you share the same shock and surprise at a bestowment of such a praise on me.
So, like any normal female human being, I was of course gushing with happiness and pride. But having to retain the slightest bit of dignity, I had to 'modestly' (fake) say "No lah, are you sure? No one has ever said that to me", to the female doctor seated beside me. And she went "yes, you are very pretty; your features are very clear and sharp'" - whatever that means, I have NO idea, but since it is considered a good thing to be praised, I thanked her for it.
And in my heart, i thought...the WONDER of make up! C'mon, you can't seriously think that I'd be swept away by such an effusive expression of praise and be blind to the truth? I know it, or rather, myself too well. It is amazing what THICK make up does to one...and in this case, myself.
And even if I did happily float in the air for a while, it was short-lived....reality made me come crashing down...
More to it...but feeling the fatigue; gotta grab some shut eye... *haiz...work tmrw...* :(
Bloody System
Just when I thought I had a comparatively better start to work today.... something just had to go and spoil it. It's freaking ridiculous; how petty some people can be. Some 'veteran' manager apparently 'screamed' (well, to her, it's normal talking), to my dept assistant, cause we had put 1 carton of drinks and 1 carton of paper bags and some stacks of promotional collateral on the floor in the storeroom. Apparently... that particularly designated spot on the floor belonged to her and her dept! Fine, just let us know and we'll move at our convenience and let it go...
No, she had to 'summon' the asst and the asst had to ask my colleague to go & help move the things. The manager would not be content otherwise. Then the asst had to come to me and tell me "next time, don't leave your things there; the space does not belong to us. Just now, the manager screamed at me, so cannot leave there". I mean, ain't that making a mountain out of a molehill? It is not even related to work or that it's a freaking big obstacle!
Seriously think I am gonna be more and more uncivilized the longer I stay here.
One has to shout into the phone to be heard...and it sort of builds up and adds on to the environment here. We already have like 4 people screaming into the phone (or just across the table) at the minimum...when my dept asst talks on the phone...(personal conversations), she'll shoot a whole blast of Malay out...which no one can understand..but she sounds exactly like she's in an argument... and pointed glances in her direction are useless as subtle hints.
One day, you might just find me screaming as well, and thinking that it's perfectly acceptable and normal....*ouch*, what a horrendous thought.
Lessons in being more civilized...seriously, some people do need that...the worse cases might even need private tutors.
Talk about ugly singaporeans...here, we definitely have ugly colleagues/ co-workers/ 'people'
Tumultuous Ride...
Just finished a meeting with my immediate boss...
This week, or rather, from the middle of last week till now (& at least till the end of ..., I have absolutely no idea), it has been a tumultuous period for me. Roller coaster-like rides of emotion, anger, speculation affecting my decision. It is so bad that I have changed my mind countless times; one night, I can be very adamant and fully convinced that what I have decided is right, but by next morning, I would be pondering and wondering about the feasibility of my 'decision' on the way to work - and I'd just be contemplating, getting myself into an agonized state of mind.
And it doesn't help that the emotional side & the rational side is interlinked - all wired up to the mass called my 'brain'. So the emotional side would distort things, or hear things that will steer me towards one point and I would have thought that I arrived at a final decision...but the next morning, the rational side would step in and question me about the future, the practical side of things and other issues that I would face - will I definitely get another offer, will the other place necessarily be better, etc?
If only it's as simple as a love-hate relationship; or where the situation is beyond redemption/ control such that the only way out is the only way out. Then, I won't have to weigh the 2 sides of the scale constantly and try to decide what I should do. If only I have all the facts, if only I can predict what will happen, if only I can read the stars and know my destiny.. then at least I won't have to spend so much energy & time thinking and evaluating and debating ...
Seriously speaking, I think I think too much....
Argkk, you must be wondering why the hell am i making such extensive use of my brain... not that I want to; frankly, I'd rather let it rot & pulverize. The thing is... my probation ends next Monday. Well, it may be good news or bad news, it's not like I am definitely going to be confirmed based on my ability & merits, but rather because of the fact that the department is shorthanded. Well, not necessarily short handed (because the staff force for this dept was only 3 in the past, increased to 4 now - mine is a newly created position). But with the amount and number of things that my immediate boss wants to push out and initiate...it is definitely not easy. What is worse is that she doesn't have the say about what she wants to roll out, etc.
Of cos it is important to obtain feedback and input prior to implementing things; but the culture here is that anybody & everybody wants to be in the know about certain things, and give their 1 cent's worth (and this price has already been inflated & overvalued). So basically, there is a lot of internal 'ding-ing - dong-ing' before anything can be decided upon, let alone be rolled out.
Typical Chinese family business....there, I've said it.
And it doesn't help that the owner has already queried about my portfolio & what exactly it is that I am working on. Well, it is true that I have had spent about 3-4 days trying to look busy and do work (whereas the whole department is freaking busy). But the job scope is delegated & designed in such a way that everyone handles totally different things. So, it also means that you cannot fall ill; and gotta be prepared to be on call 24/7.
Hmm, back to the owner...profits & money is essentially very important to her. Well, I suppose one can try to gauge her personality & attitude and try to work in such a way that she'll agree to things and approve them. hmm, then in this case, you don't even need someone to initiate anything... her ultimate motto is - maximize my profits, minimize my cost ... and it benefits her ONLY...oh dear, really cannot work in such a setting. Blame it on me being young and idealistic; if i cannot be idealistic now...when will I ever be?
Another Day at 'Work'
And here I am again, resorting to typing all my text in email first *pretending to do real work* when there is so much else that I want to do/ learn/ surf and find out about, but can't due to the 'strategic' position of my table and worse, the angle that my LCD screen is placed at. Basically, everyone who walks by, past, or behind me, can see at a glance everything that is laid out on my screen...Talk about open concept... well, everyone can see everything here, that's for sure....but this definitely doesn't apply to how it does business here...It's a FOB - family-owned business, enough said.
Anyway, it's already 11.30 am... and I vaguely remembered the last time I used to use this method of updating my blog at my previous work place. It was also about the first few months or weeks into the job. I couldn't really help with anything because of the fact that I had no idea what was going on. Basically doing menial work, or brainless stuff (not that it's any different here, UNFORTUNATELY).. that my colleagues delegated, etc... But that changed dramatically when I realised that I was stuck with a project/ event and things did a turnabout. From being extremely free and being able to knock off on the dot....I turned into a 'workaholic' (as with the rest of the colleagues in my dept) who'd stay in office and eat and work during lunch hour, stay back at night till 8, 9 or even 11 pm..and come back on weekends to clear work. And it was FUN! well, not all the time, I am sure I had grumbled more than enough to my long-suffering friends who had to put up my constant rantings of how bad my ex-boss was, how stupid the whole system was and etc...
And I jumped from the frying pan...into...the oven?
It sure seems that way now... *Sighz*
Thoughts....the number of them just overwhelms me
Been having second thoughts about everything recently.
Not just second thoughts, make that third, fourth and so on.... you have no idea of the chaos and mess that my brain has gotta deal with these days. And it's not a long period some more, less than 1 month also...when was the time that I made up my mind to not stay anymore... yeah... I did make up my mind...let me try to recall when that was. Oh, that was the 24 July .. decision made after 'chatting' with the asst in my dept. And based on the observations, evaluated the obstacles that I am facing, as well as those that my dept is facing... and it ain't a pleasant picture. And that was my 3rd thought...and final one, or so I thought...
And within less than 2 weeks - I veered towards being able to accept the current situation and also wanting to leave with immediate effect. Or rather, 2 weeks ago, the decision was just to stick it out till probation ended and that's it. At least I would have given the ample respect and time needed. That I did take 3 months to evaluate the company, just as the company evaluated me... By right, it should be that way, a 2-way feedback channel, but somehow, as it is currently an employers' market, beggars can't be choosers... and somehow I landed myself in such a predicament - hardly something to be envious of, far from it actually.
*Sighz*
