Condolences..
Feeling a whole myriad of emotions right now - not sure if its sadness, depression, guilt or sorrow. Maybe its a combination of all of the above, including those that I cannot describe.
It IS depressing... and sobering, what Mother Nature can do to us.
May the effects of the earthquake and tsunami be reminders to us of how small and fragile the human life really is... And that we are never, and will never be really in control of our own destiny.
Right To Be Wrong
I've got a right to be wrong
My mistakes will make me strong
I'm stepping out into the great unknown
I'm feeling wings though I've never flown
I've got a mind of my own
I'm flesh and blood to the bone
I'm not made of stone
Got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone
I've got a right to be wrong
I've been held down too long
I've gotta break free
So I can finally breathe
I've got a right to be wrong
Got to sing my own song
I might be singing out of key
But it sure feels good to me
Got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone
You're entitled to your opinion
But it's really my decision
I can't turn back, I'm on a mission
If you care, don't you dare blur my vision
Let me be all that I can be
Don't smother me with negativity
Whatever's out there waiting for me
I'm gonna face it willingly
I've got a right to be wrong
My mistakes will make me strong
I'm stepping out into the great unknown
I'm feeling wings though I've never flown
I've got a mind of my own
I'm flesh and blood to the bone
I'm not made of stone
Got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone
I've got a right to be wrong
I've been held down too long
I've gotta break free
So I can finally breathe
I've got a right to be wrong
Got to sing my own song
I might be singing out of key
But it sure feels good to me
Got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone
Lyrics - from Joss Stone's
Right to be Wrong"
Saw the MTV on Channel 5 after 'The Practice' - haven't heard this song before, and have to admit that the tune was not extremely catchy. But what caught my attention were the lyrics. How apt, I thought - what a wonderful description of my situation and what I am feeling.
Really, I am freaking sick of it. I have been bombarded by horror stories of how friends' friends' friends have plunged into depression after going into teaching. Of how these people hated it so much that they contemplated suicide. Of how their social lives, once barely existent, have been totally obliterated. Of how they all were left on the shelf and resigned themselves to spinsterhood.
Others who call me after a 4 month hiatus immediately ask "Have you thought about it carefully? Well, I am sure you must have done your research; do you know what you are getting into?".
Not to mention - "Well, maybe that is because you are not sure?"
"It's not easy, you know?"
"So, you are gonna meet those rascals - how are you gonna handle them?"
"Well, you made the decision; so you have to live with it..."
"*Awkward silence* Erm, so you are going to teach..."
And alot of this crap didn't come from me. Hey, you'd think that since I am supposedly the person making the decision - what I think is of utmost importance. But hell, no... Advice, solicited or not - comes crashing my way.
In short - thanks but NO thanks.
Where did anyone of them get off talking to me THAT way?
Hey, I NEVER questioned others' intentions on job changing, I NEVER told them straight in the face that "I am thinking you are making a big mistake, I NEVER shriek in horror "How can you do THAT? What will people think or say? Aren't you even ashamed?" No, at least never openly, straight out in their faces. I think they have a name for it - TACT.
I have always believed in mutual respect - I'd think about how I would feel if someone came to me and said something nasty to me. Would I want to be in that position? Heck, no - so what gives me the right to say something nasty to them - no matter how true it may be. That is putting oneself in another person's shoes. (Please, they MUST have taught this proverb in primary school.)
If I weren't having doubts before - I sure am now, despite the steely, determined front I HAVE got to upkeep.
Of cos I wouldn't know if this is the PERFECT job for me; would anyone know EXACTLY what one is getting into when one signs a contract or take up a job in a new environment? Of course not! But do friends come and say, pointing an accusing finger, - "I think you are making a BIG mistake?"
But to condemn me and to pass me the death sentence BEFORE I've even started? Ain't that a bit too mean? Ain't that an act of being abit too quick to judge?
Yeah, maybe the "ME" one so clearly knows is not suited for it; yours truly is not in it for the 'right' reasons; it's outrageously despicable of moi... the list goes on.
But, how can anyone lay claim to truly know and understand me? I sure don't know myself most times. Hell, I don't even trust myself at any time...
Things change, people change, environments change; people revise their perceptions and beliefs constantly.
In the worst case scenerio - So what if it is not the right choice?
Fine - I'll scream and yell and whine like mad. I'll call everyone I know to complain about how bad life sucks. I'll sink into depression and refuse to meet anyone. I'll think constantly about suicide and how good life will be if I am gone.
Nobody in the pits needs their 'friends' to rub their mistakes in their faces, nobody needs the constant sneer to remind them of a step wrongly calculated, nobody needs people around them to chant "I told you so" over and over and over again...
I may not be the greatest friend ever, but I think I've tried to be a fairly decent one. Perhaps it is time some others try as well.
As Joss Stone says...
I've got a right to be wrong
I've got a mind of my own
Flesh and blood to the bone
I've got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone
Deep Fried Brains, Anyone?
A friend just called me on my cell & we chatted.
For 1 hour, 6 minutes and 25 seconds.
And I don't enjoy free incoming calls.
OUCH!
That's from the pain I am feeling from getting my brain fried - by the RF waves.
I think they are way past crispy - most probably charred black.
If I don't sound very coherent or normal to you, that's probably because my brain cells have been badly damaged.
Crashing Down To Earth
Kaboom!
That's the only sound anyone (who is within 10 miles of my hse) will hear.
Yup, and that is the resounding sound produced by my less-than-graceful, totally embarrassing, deafening fall from 'Heaven' - or more accurately (now that my rose-tinted shades have been forcibly removed by my friends) - Pits of Hell.
Well, it was good as long as it lasted.
Besides that, everything else sucked. Big Time!
Talking to people (whom one'd think would help one analyse the situation and lend one very tolerant and sympathetic ears) is a bad mistake. They expedited my fall from grace. No, they virtually dragged me, yelling and screaming in self-denial, down. As predicted, my landing was far from dignified.
Yeah yeah yeah, people get picked up all the time. And as one of them so matter-of-factly pointed out - "These are random 'Hello's - no one ever respond to them at all." - I was absolutely anguished.
Yup, so there, I reek of desperation. So much that any seemingly fairy-like tale (no matter how far from the truth) I spin, I will tenaciously cling to it, refusing to let go.
Or perhaps, the bottom line is - the ultimate underlying motive has always been, is, and will always be - SEX.
He Had Me At Hello...
Now, I don't really strike anyone as the super haughty, proud, stand-offish (in other words - dao) kinda person. If you know me, you'd know that I'd be one of the first to crack crappy jokes, make tons of self-deprecatory statements, guffaw loudly in a less than lady-like manner... In fact, I am quite sociable! (mood & situation dependent, of course)
And when we are in a group setting, I would try to break the ice - more often among the first few to do that, try to crack some stupid jokes to lighten up the atmosphere. Hence, I totally have NO idea what comes over me when the setting is slightly changed.
And such an unfortunate thing just has to happen whenever someone - a perfect stranger tries to strike up a conversation - with 'Hi', or 'Hello' in a club/ pub setting where there are no common aspects (friends, etc) or areas (besides the floor we are standing on/ the smoke-filled air we are breathing) - I get totally tongue-tied and panicky and hence, give the whole world the impression that I am so haughty...
The end result, which, coupled with my dwindling social life (or more accurately speaking - my non-existent social life), culminates into an extremely bleak outlook of my ever getting hitched. Don't think - "She must be exaggerating..." and brush the whole incident off. The truth is - I am not.
To make matters worse, I even have a close guy friend of mine (at least I thought he was a rather close friend, until now, apparently) ask me about my sexual preferences. He didn't know if I was straight or not. And I have known this friend for more than a year, and we do hang out and catch movies with other friends. And he has to ASK if I am straight or not??!!
Goodness - what kinda signals have I been sending out???? Fine, I have digressed - but the above should be more than enough to affirm that my social life, is indeed in dire straits.
I also have NO idea what came over me when the 'Hi' or 'Hello' is first uttered. Maybe because, I have NEVER expected that such a situation would ever happen to me! I mean, who goes around to pubs/ clubs expecting that every 3 seconds, some male stranger would walk up to you and say hi and try to carry on a conversation from there (Unless, you happen to be in Taiwan, of course).
Well, extremely pretty and popular gers here probably get approached every 5 seconds or so. But since I am far (think 7 times of the distance around the Earth) from being pretty, the possibility of such a scenario happening has NEVER crossed my mind. The few times when the approach was more blatant - obvious that the greeting was meant for me, and not my other much more attractive female friends - I just froze in my steps.
Well, not literally, cos both times (the only ones that I can remember), I was walking (with a friend in tow) and couldn't possibly stop and respond to the 'Hi' and flash my prettiest and friendliest smile back. Please, I could not even look at the guy. Both times, I turned away and spoke to my friend beside me. It was not a show of pride, or the guy not being my type (erm, well, maybe that was slightly true for the first incident), or trying to embarrass the guy in front of his friends - but rather, a defensive reaction to a situation that I was not prepared for.
I hate surprises - I detest the unknown - I am a born planner - I live to plan; and I would die if the plans were not properly done. You know, so it's kinda hard for me to react to that scenario, especially when I have never had the chance to do a playback in my mind, and think of what I could say, or do in reaction.
So, what I did this evening, when this guy (in his early thirties, I suppose) sitting with a bunch of friends in a pub along the sidewalk of Far East Square, caught my eye and said "Hello" in a loud clear voice was to turn to my friend and talk to her. Argkkk, and my guy friend (whom I am consulting) has told me that "Hello"s take place when the guy finds the other attractive (ME??? Someone actually finds me attractive??? I am SO FREAKING flattered), wants to get to know the other party better, and take quite a lot of guts.
Hmm, I sure hope I didn't totally deflate that guy's ego. Or embarrass him totally in front of his friends. But I sure am feeling really bad about the whole incident. Maybe you'd think I am overreacting. Perhaps you get approached by cute, gorgeous hunks ALL the time. But it's me I am talking about... So...let me bask in my euphoria first and then wallow in self pity and be totally disappointed with myself.
Next time, ... if there ever will be a 'next time'...
A Walk On The Path Less Trodden
One thing I totally hate about trying to run/ walk in the evening is the humongeous amount of traffic and the cancer-causing smoke the vehicles spout endlessly. One would wonder how to inhale deeply under such circumstances.
Thankfully, that stretch of traffic was mercifully short (though not short enough for my liking) before I reached the stretch of greenery that formed part of the perimeter of the lake (near Chinese and Japanese gardens).
As usual, the nearly fatal attempt to get my heart pounding in the vicinity of 70% of the MHR was met with constant curses and expletives from me. However, as I was gasping for breath, it was a tad hard to say them out loud, hence, the need to mentally curse and swear like a Camaar fishmonger (not that I've ever been there, but that phrase just sounded so nice, btw - courtesy of a certain Mr D).
Mental and physical agony aside, it was quite a lovely evening. I looked up from the lake and though the sky did not have the usual reddish and pinkish tinges to it, it was a lovely shade of blue. What was even prettier were the swirls of clouds (?) that added texture to the quilt in the sky, which reminded me of swirls of full cream milk that one pours into coffee - how the white ness of the milk neatly formed such pretty shapes and lines and was an enchanting constrast to the blackness of the coffee.
In my mind, I firmly decided that that was exactly what it looked like - delicious swirls of white full cream milk poured gently into a pool of blue - just prior to one stirring the sky and getting a milkier shade of blue sky. I had almost forgotten how such simple things provided the bright sparks to one's day and could have the power to lift one's depressed spirits significantly.
After doing a U-turn shortly after I started the tedious jog, I was looking blankly in front, when I spotted the loveliest creature I have encountered in days - a common tree squirrel! If it had not been crouching amongst the grass, I would have certainly missed it among the trees and their branches.
I halted to a stop - careful not to alarm the creature further and scare it away. One of my favourite animals are hamsters and a squirrel, being a relative of the rodent family - with its bright black eyes, small head, a large bushy tail and a much sleeker and muscular body (compared to my previous overfed hamsters) was to me, an enchanting animal.
Squatting and trying to remain frozen, I was hoping that the squirrel would suffer a bout of short term amnesia and forget that I was a moving human sapiens seconds ago, and treat me as a statue, or some a non-living block of wood.
Unfortunately, this was not so, and the squirrel scampered back to the tree it had descended from and shinnied its way up to the branches. I still saw it climbing up and stood there, trying to figure which way it had gone. I thought I had missed it but saw a certain part of the foilage shake and to my delight, the squirrel had 'swopped' trees - it jumped onto the branches of a neighbouring tree and with a definite lack of intelligence and good sense - shinnied its way down the tree's trunk again.
Incidentally, that neighbouring tree that it thought was a good choice as a refuge just happened to be 2 metres away from me. Hence, I froze again and watched with great interest as the object of my affection (then) went through a series of actions that seemed as if it was a character in a faulty movie reel going through the motions in jerky actions.
One moment, it froze in the still air, and another, it just moved so quickly in a flash. I think it must have gotten tired of my semi-frozen stance and awkward posture and was weighing the pros and cons of continuing its descent. While trying to think its way through the situation, it decided that a face-wash was in order then and proceeded to wash its face, while perched, head facing downwards, on the trunk.
The sight of that was so endearing and funny that I just burst out into laughter there and then. Each time I thought the squirrel had assumed me as a slightly mobile piece of wood and had plucked up enough courage to come onto the grass - some joggers or a cyclist would pass us and scare the creature again. Thus, I watched patiently as the squirrel was stuck in limbo, trying to decide whether to make a run for it or not.
Though it seemed to have only a shade of colouring somewhere between brown and ash grey, there was a lighter stripe of colour running along its stomach. And the huge bushy tail, that was almost as large as its body, seemed to be made out of light, fluffy dandelions/ lalang seeds. I wish I had a pet like that. At that precise moment, I missed all the hamsters I have ever had.
So, the decision making continued for about 10 minutes - with it scampering up and down different parts of the tree's trunk. Everytime I thought it had garnered enough courage to land on the grass patch - it suddenly suffered from cold feet and climbed up the tree trunk again, only to continue its journey from another side of the tree.
Eventually, it must have gotten bored of the whole ordeal and scampered onto the ground. It perched on its four legs for a brief moment and sprung into action - scampering quickly along the grass patch before doing a U-turn and headed towards me, still standing frozen like an idiot on the jogging track.
It veered to my right, paused for a while and scampered off down the track again - its strong limbs providing the spring for each jump and leap - when suddenly a cyclist from the opposite direction crossed its path. And for a moment there, the squirrel froze again - so did the cyclist. They both turned in the same direction and blocked each other's path, until the cyclist, in an attempt to avoid hitting the creature, almost fell off his bike.
After restoring its sanity/ common sense, the squirrel hurriedly leaped away, and found sanctuary on a lamp pole. There was nothing else I could do but to chuckle to myself, throw a wistful glance at the sweet rodent, and continue on my way home
The jogging track lining part of the lake was a path less trodden for me. But it had thrown a few surprises in my way today - or perhaps I was just a bit more observant than before. Seeing the sky in a different light, and encountering the tree squirrel just made the whole experience so much sweeter and memorable.
Or perhaps that is because in my pursuit for what had seemed like more important things, I had neglected the feelings of serenity and bliss such simple pleasures could have brought. Or maybe that applies to all of us, stuck in this concrete jungle, concerned with nothing else but the amount of money one makes, the type of house one stays, the brand of car one drives.
Peak of Boredom
Haha, I am so freaking bored that I decided to choose a new template for my blog.
Sorry lah, that is the limit of my computer-related skills - choose a new template.
Quite idiot proof mah... that is why you are seeing a new template for my blog now.
Went through 2 changes - was quite interested in one called the Bluebird. However, due to such a name, decided not to have anything to do with such a foul-sounding name, so settled on this instead.
Hmm, Olive green is nice, and the whole layout seems to make my blog more readable. Yeah, see, I am saving all your eyes man...
Hahaha *evil cackles*
Other People's Blogs
U know, I have been reading other pple's blogs and sorta realised that there are 2 types of categories that blogs fall into - 1. The kind where its a FREAKING long story and there is a moral, or some irritating statement attached at the end (erm, think mine) and 2. those which basically constitute people blabbering and blabbering their interesting thoughts which happen to be in their brain at that moment in time. (Ok, maybe there are more, but these are the ones which I can identify).
And the latter is actually so much easier to read, and is so much more entertaining.
And I am also thinking that it is really hard to get a story, think of how you wanna weave/ tell it so have the impact at the end. Very time consuming, and very braincell-depleting.
And (the 3rd one here), I used to write like that too - but not in blogs, in my notebooks. Whatever I felt there and then, I'd just pen it down. Don't have to keep thinking about how to write the whole thing...
So right now, here's some of my blabbering. Hmm, finally gotten a digicam, but the thing is, it is out of action now. Partially cos the cables linking it to my laptop are buried somewhere, and I gotta re-install the whole thing..and most importantly, I am not as trigger happy as I thought. It just seems hard to whip out a camera and start shooting at any single thing you see. Especially when you are alone.
Also, with the heightened sense of insecurity, to be going around taking pictures might just attract attention and I might be hauled to some police station and be questioned and detained under the ISA. Ewww, not a nice thought.
Also, I'd rather not upload the pics onto my blog. First, I still don't want to be recognised. I don't believe I have mentioned my name in the entire blog (it has always been 'bleeped' away) and also, I don't think I can ever figure out how to do that. Hmm, so there goes the whimsical idea of my shooting pics of my newly found soft toy - piglet (a real mini one) and a newly acquired one - Ee-or (it's gotta be a spelling mistake) that I got. Although it can be kinda cute.
Oh yeah, and people do grouse about the less than perfect incidents in their everyday lives. But somehow, when they do that, it sounds so much more fun and interesting than when i complain. Or maybe its the way I complain. Hmm - got so many different ways of complaining one meh?
Talking about which, I am so freaking disappointed in Channel 5's programming - there is NO MORE GILMORE GIRLS!!! Argk, the ONE and ONLY show that I could look forward to on a Sunday is no more. Sighz, and they are NOT even bringing back Everwood (Another drama serial that I was and am nuts about). And I missed the last episode of Gilmore Girls - apparently Dean and Rory made out - went all the way... and there I was, stuck at my uncle's housewarming party with a bunch of awkward adolescents screaming their heads off at the Star Awards.
Yupz, that is my current grouse and the realisation that i don't have any money line on my palm - you know, the thingy called palm reading. Not that I believe in it; I find it some kinda self-fulfilling prophecy, so would rather not know EVERYthing about it. But saw a generic one in some mag, tried to match the lines and realised that my palm is one line short. Yeah, no money line - no fate with money. Hmm, does this mean that I am gonna go broke and penniless? Or have to struggle for every single cent to keep me alive? Totally perplexing.
All these things are definitely not putting me in a good mood. I want my Gilmore Girls, I want my Everwood (I am a sucker for American serials, but totally adore British films). Anyone in Mediacorp reading my blog? Or anyone in Starhub willing to give me free cable? I'll take whatever I can get.
Seriously Losing Sanity
Take two whole weeks of hacking, cement, dust, having to move tons of things around, prop them in such dangerous positions which any competent acrobat would not even try (such that they are in constant peril of toppling over and setting off a domino effect of bringing everything else down), AND constant inconvenience and you've gotten a peek into my current world of affairs. Add the woes brought about by a less than competent contractor, and you are in for a massive attack of migraine.
It's not that I totally enjoy whining - fine, some people adore hearing their own voices that they even speak to themselves, but as much as I can be a masochist at times, there is also a threshold for such alternative methods of bringing about joy to myself. I just thought that I'd get it all out of my system now (well, maybe not ALL) so that I can focus on other things in this particular entry.
As much as I would like to focus on happier things - the absense of such items means that it is not possible. And perhaps through the coloured lenses of someone on the verge of going crazy, things appear diferently and hence, are also perceived so. Thus, should my point(s) of view differ from those in the past, or those that I am going to make in the future, one would have to pardon me for the lack of consistency. A lack of sanity does that to people sometimes...
Watched a Chinese talk show on Channel U this evening - whereby they discussed the prevalence of divorce cases affecting marriages less than 5 years long. Which also brought to mind an extremely interesting and revealing conversation I had with my guy friends last weekend - that no one (at least in Singapore), in their right minds, would want to get married - at least in the eyes of the institution.
People are less tolerant than before - I can attest to that - I am the epitome of someone who sorely fails in the 'patience' department. Sometimes, I look at my parents and wonder - why would my mum put up with this incident or that incident. Sad to say, their marriage is not what I had envisioned. And if it is to be a prediction of what would happen in a marriage (or my own), I 'fessed to my mum that I'd rather not get married then.
Am I just plain demanding? Or just plain selfish? But haven't we all been brought up to feel that way (it's just a matter of how extreme one is, and if one is self-sacrificing enough)? In this era where there are fewer children, where one need not even share with others (how many of us have our own rooms, tvs, PCs/laptops, handphones) - there is almost no need for sacrificing anything. And has this surge in affluence brought about the lowering of tolerance, and the emphasis on self gratification - the belief that it is ME who matters most!
I don't know about you, but I am sure guilty on that charge...
I look at married couples around me (not those perfect ones who get interviewed on Sunday Times) and I wonder sometimes - "why get embroiled in a relationship whereby the actions or words of your spouse just drives you mad?" If one even starts to question oneself and dwell on the "Why?" aspect - is it some kind of evidence that the marriage is not what one had envisioned it to be? And that married life is not just lovey-dovey?
I suppose that many of us do accept the fact that married life is NOT a bed of roses - but to truly accept what it means, brings about and to stick to it and work hard at it - how many of us are willing to do that? Even if when one says "I do" and truly, really mean it then, do we stick through thick and thin? Will we never, ever consider divorce as a possible emergency exit in the future should things not work out well?
It is true - a marriage is twice the duty, and half the rights. If a marriage only serves to add to one's burden, and halves one's rights and freedom, why tether oneself to this stout iron ball? Do we always justify our actions, even when the results are not what we had expected, or were much worse than we had bargained for? And when that occurs, do we just claim that it has always been what we had wanted all along and that married life is much better than being single? Are we being honest with ourselves?
The question, at least for me, has always been " Do I stay in a marriage whereby I am no longer happy?" One might think that it's premature for me to think about such a question - there is not even a Mr Right in sight (not even a whiff of him in a 10-mile radius) - but the reactions and answers of my friends to marriage and what Singaporean men and women expect from the opposite sex (unrealistic demands) just set me thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking... (also a cause for my loss of sanity).
I am ashamed to say that my answer to that is "No."
Well, at least I am honest, though brutally...
Let's face it - I am self-centred, selfish, obnoxious, paranoid, demanding... the list of unenviable attributes continues, but at least I am blardy honest about it.
If one is totally appalled at this revelation, let me just state my disclaimer AGAIN - that I am viewing this issue through coloured lenses - tainted by the sore absence of sanity and thus, my stand on this issue might have been different in the past, or will be different in the future, but at least for now, that is what I feel.
It's a terrible feeling to be going insane.
Lost in Stuff...
Well, people get lost in translation (read - Academy nominated film for best foreign film?/), I get lost in stuff - mainly cos -
(1) - I am hardly even effectively bilingual - supposed failure of the Singaporean education system in the 80s & 90s and
(2) - I can't get lost in space, because my house is out of space now, especially my room - which has sorta become a refugee camp for belongings and stuff that are slightly more important than the rest of the things unceremoniously evicted from my sister's bedroom (which, coincidentally also houses ALL my story books and old text books and all my clothes).
So... sitting amidst all the stuff packed haphazardly, wrapped in unsightly plastic bags (to prevent the dust from getting in), I managed to hook up the cable and gain internet access - YEAH - 3 cheers to myself!.
I had such a hard time trying to figure out what to hook to out - the electrician added some stuff, wired some stuff and just told me that common line - "Anything can plug to anywhere depending on what you want". As reassuring as that sounds, I don't happen to be any of the cast in the Mel Gibson show - What Women Want (I have no inkling of what I prefer most of the time...!) But tadah - the ultimate PC idiot (yours truly), has managed to get internet access (after figuring the wires thingy in 15 min) !!! And that is something worth celebrating...
And it has been so taxing on my brain, that I absolutely REFUSE to try to figure out and set up my router (yes, I finally got that) - which was carefully chosen and purchased with 2 frens' help - which made it a pc of cake. Put me in Sim Lim Square alone and I swear to you that I will probably faint from sensory overload in 5 min... [so...thanks a lot - tira & Mr P..., to both of whom I owe coffee now..]
Back to my original subject of being lost in stuff - I hate packing, I hate cleaning up, I hate the inconvenience the renovation brings ... [wonder if i have complained enough].
Why can't I be lost in some exotic beach/ island instead - Maldives, Mauritius, or set free in a huge shopping mall with limitless credit card (not under my name...) - Sighz... :(
The actual gap between fantasy and reality can never ever be bridged - and that, is the sad truth of life.
Sardines in an Orchard
Ok, this is for the 3 guys (erm, make it 2 - since the other one only reads my blog when he is DARN bored and in Japan - and the possibility of this 2 happening together is pretty small) who have been eagerly awaiting for my new blog entries with abated breath. (Breathe, guys, don't hold in the air, or you'd faint).
Hence, to avert such possible calamities from happening (though I won't really classify them as catastrophes - but my conscience prevents me from allowing such a sad fate to happen) - HERE IT IS - my latest blog entry. (Phew... what a build up...)
A summary of the evening - Met Alice & Xi-er for dinner (too bad I missed the shopping, though i seriously hate the crowd in town). The whole Orchard Road was teeming with people, packed shoulder to shoulder - I feel worse than a sardine in a tin.
A journey from the Orchard MRT station to say - Ngee Ann City, which wouldn't have taken more than 10 min, took at least 20 min. And to make that trip 4 times - ugh! Ya know, maybe I have found my calling - perhaps I am really destined to be a HERMIT. Or if they have an opening for an anti-homo sapiens, I'd be first in the line!
Watched National Treasure after that - and the 'people-moving' equipment is definitely flawed in Cineleisure. You have to go one big round (mall's way of making sure that you've seen everyshop at least once and be pulled in to throw money into their cash registers) in order to go to the next level. And their lifts are forever packed. Well, everywhere in Orchard is forever packed..., truth be told.
The only redeeming factor is that the movie was rather entertaining - all the clues, suspense building up, how the scriptwriters actually managed to link all the various items together - Riveting! Very entertaining - thoroughly enjoyed it, though Nicholas Cage (as much as I adore the guy for his roles, acting abilities and the determination to make it big on his own, and not revealing his family name - Coppola) is a tad over-the-hill for me. Not sleek enough, not suave enough - think Pierce Brosnan in "The Thomas Crown Affair - sizzling hot...
Oh, and I met a University friend (with whom I had a brief conversation on MSN) at the cinema - and we were going to the same show! He's seated 1 row behind me. And exchanged comments about how fresh the other looked (hmm, starting to think that I am a fish displayed on a bed of ice - whereby my eyes are bright and my flesh firm, and my gills still red).
Yeah, that is what Singaporeans do on their weekends - throng Orchard road and flood it with people. How totally interesting and exciting, ( you can just hear the sarcasm dripping from my voice).
List of Things - Part II
And the previous entry (supposedly a venting of my whole load of frustrations) - was only just about 1 item - one which, I have NOT finished complaining about yet - just that I grew too tired of ranting about the same thing - it's tiring to scold pple, ya' know?
2. My blardy mouse is not working well again (after I had changed the whole HD, changed the whole keyboard, had all my programs and stuff VANISH into thin air and survived without my laptop for more than a week) - problems still crop up. Argkkk, I just wanna tear my hair out in frustration. Cos, throwing my laptop on the floor, stomping on it in rage and yelling "Stupid laptop, spastic laptop" is extremely expensive - too much for me to bear - the blardy laptop cost me nearly $2,500 when I bought it.
3. 2 months of self-declared holiday..and I have not even stepped beyond the shores of Singapore. (The trip when we sought refuge in JB to escape the hacking does not count). And my dear fren - Mr P is going to Taiwan to spend his New Year Count down!! And that is after he has toured a whole LOT of Japan (after a working trip there) . And according to him, that is because I dun want, not because I can't. But hey, I have tried to arrange trips to places - anywhere - Taipei, Bintan, KL, etc..and what happens? They all fell apart. It sucks. Big time.
And all these writing has gotten me into a super dark mood now. Feel like crap now. Feel like ripping someone's head off. Volunteers?
Nonsensical Blabbering
'Nuf of pre-scripted, pre-planned, carefully thought-out entries to entertain... Seriously need a break from that - my head is pounding like mad and nearly bursting at its seams - it's a continuous situation of "Oh, that line is so interesting - and how true it is and what it evokes in me and what can i write about it....etc etc etc".
Or I'd read about a particular phenomenon and it sorta triggers certain trains of thoughts in me (which would invariably criss cross and cause a catastrophic major railway accident - complete with explosions, fires and loads of blood).
Very very taxing and tedious - or maybe that is because my brain is probably demented, or lacking in ability - thus explaining the humongous effort required for a simple task.
So here goes - the list of things that have IRKED me so much these few days: -
1. Contractors - ARgkk, especially the one hired to do the renovation works in my house. So many 'I's - Irresponsible, Irksome, Irritating - ok, maybe I am exaggerating because I am looking at him through coloured lenses - and mostly due to my dislike of him already.
But really, I hate people - or rather, despise - he is not worthy of my hatred yet, who try to 'swindle' my parents or take them for a ride. And to make it worse - he is so freaking IRRESPONSIBLE - which totally lands him in my 'condemned' list. We were supposed to pay upfront 40% (with an additional 10%) of the amount agreed upon in the contract upon the arrival of the goods - tiles, cement, etc. We had signed 2 contracts - one for the masonry work, the other for the cabinets building and stuff. So when my mum asked him if the payment for the 40% was for the first contract, or total, that contractor had the audacity to say the latter.
Excuse me, but the materials for the 2nd contract have not arrived yet - blardy - we have not even chosen the color/ materials yet, and all you can think of us trying to squeeze us of cash flow first, taking advantage of my parents not reading the fine print. Oh gawd - i HATE that!
So, after series of fiascos - whereby the workers finished hacking the kitchen floor on the first day - left at 3 pm (never to return at all, or to leave word that they were done), my poor dad was left waiting in vain for the whole of the next day for their arrival. And my "DEAR" contractor did not even have the decency to contact us and inform us about it. Oh well, perhaps he couldn't call, cos his workers ripped out and damaged our phone line!!!
Then, when I called him, he promised that he'd send someone to repair the phoneline on Sat morning - it became Sat evening..and guess what, on Saturday night, I sent him an SMS asking him about it, and he replied on Sunday morning that the guy didn't tell him also and that he could only come in on Monday - 4 pm.
And on Monday morning, the workers didn't come in till 10 plus am, I was seriously hopping mad (Yeah, I may sound like the client from HELL,) but hey, the money's been paid, the contract signed, and the contractor is there to help me co-ordinate so that my parents and I don't tear our hair out in frustration - but somehow, I don't see all the conveniences or so-called benefits that arrive when you pay a premium for a co-ordinator!
And after that - the kitchen floor tiles cannot be used, cos they don't meet on all ends (apparently bad tile cutting job done somewhere) so if we DID use them, my kitchen floor would look like a couple of moles have been burrowing a whole underground network of tunnels somewhere beneath our feet - the tiles would buckle and there'd be minor eruptions everywhere. And thus, work halted for a day - while we had to rush down to the tile retailer and choose another tile. And that delay means that all our plans have been messed up haywire. Sighz.
And I am still awaiting for the more detailed drawing/ design of our cabinets (including the one in my bedroom) and it has been more than a week. And all they want is for us to sign the contract, choose the colours and be done with it. And my reaction is - huh?? What about the design?! Colour combination? Etc etc etc.
And I was supposed to look at it on Wednesday...and till now, I have not even seen the paper yet. I mean, if you cannot deliver, then don't promise and most important of all - TELL ME! Don't keep me waiting in vain at home (for that supposed visit at 4 pm) and only have the reality dawn on me at 7 pm that you are not gonna turn up with the documents and drawings. ARgkkk, blardy, irresponsible, untrustworthy imbecile!! (And I am being very KiND already)
SIghz.. a word of advice to you lovebirds out there (who plan to get a house next time) - hire an interior designer!!! (Especially needed for those who are either colour blind, or have NO ounce of colour co-ordination ability). Or better yet, stay with your parents - then you need not fork out a single penny...
A Double Date
The impossible happened - I went on a double date with my sister!! And with a couple of BROTHERS too! Ain't that fate or what...
Yeah, my sis and I aren't the best of friends - we are siblings - sisters to be exact and for MOST of those have that kinda luck - I am sure you know what I mean when I say "we hate our siblings at times". Besides that, we have quite different tastes as well, so never in my wildest dreams had I ever imagined that I would be out on a double date with my sister. (And she's darn pretty, there is NO resemblence between us at all - life is unfair...)
Well, it happened that we were temporarily 'banished' to Malaysia - cos my house was (and is still) undergoing quite extensive renovations. So we landed at our relatives' shop - and were deployed to help dust abit when the 2 brothers came by the shop. Their parents open an eatery in that stretch of shops there and they tend to drop by my relative's shop. So, after a while of saying 'hi' and talking, we decided to go to a nearby bakery to get some bread.
Their names are Bin & Yang, and they are also 2 years apart too! (What a coincidence) And seriously cute - they really did look like brothers. So, we spent the better part of the morning at the bakery (it even had tables and chairs to allow patrons to enjoy their bread, cakes and drinks). It was abit awkward, but quite fun - and when the ice had really broken - we amused ourselves by taking pictures of each other with my sis' handphone. Hence, besides sharing our food and drinks (we just had breakfast - were totally full), my sis and I spent many of our other moments 'oohing' and 'aahing' over the brothers.
It was definitely with great reluctance when we had to leave, and when we popped by their eatery, we'd drop by and say hi too... They are just so unbelievably cute! Haiz, why doesn't such nice things happen to me when I am in Singapore? Whereby meeting cute guys would not be a huge logistical headache?
The ONLY other downside to our short rendevous is that the love of my life (at least in J.B. for those 2 days) - are 3 and 5 year old respectively. Yeah, I know, I feel like a cradle snatcher. Sighz, but younger guys are just so cute!!!
So, anyone who knows boys with such credentials - pls let me know, and hopefully, do the intro as well. And it would really be great if they are older - a 5 year old guy - no matter how sweet - is just a tad too young for me, serious...
